Critical Life

Everything's Better With Musical Numbers

2008-11-15T19:30:00.003-05:00

Last night Heather and I saw Evil Dead the Musical at the lovely and intimate Theatre On The Square in Indianapolis. It ran for years in Toronto and this was a civic theatre production. The cast was excellent and really went all out. The show was wild. Full of in-jokes and profanity, it was everything that great theatre should be. As a brief example, there's a great song early on called "What The Fuck Was That?"

The best thing was that it reminded both Heather and I of how much we both love live theatre. We'll definitely be back at that theatre, and we also made plans to see some of the shows at Purdue.

Just In Case You're Getting Too Much Sleep

2008-11-13T06:56:00.002-05:00

Like pretty much everyone these days I'm figuring out that our country's (and the planet's) economic problems are going to define a significant portion of the next few years, if not the rest of my life. I try to stay as educated as possible on as much of it as possible, and these are my three main sources:

Jon Taplin's Blog

I like Taplin a great deal. He had a career in the entertainment industry, then a career in the investment world and now he's a professor of Communications at USC. I find him to be level-headed and cautiously optimistic. He writes about more than just economics, but it's all excellent.

Mike Shedlock's Blog

Shedlock is an investment advisor, and he backs up all of his posts and predictions with lots of charts and data. He's very pessimistic about where things are heading and makes a nice balance to Taplin. He also LOVES to say "I told you so" whenever his predictions are right and the common wisdom is wrong. And he gets to do that a lot.

NPR's Planet Money Podcast

This is a fantastic daily podcast. The hosts really go out of their way to translate any economic jargon and make this extremely complex topic palatable to a wide audience. Definitely worth the 15-30 minutes a day.

You stay classy, Fox.

2008-11-12T18:10:00.003-05:00

Another fantastic idea from the people who canceled Firefly, Wonderfalls, and Drive.

Doesn't this sound like a plot from a bad comedy? A down on his luck Jamie Kennedy with one too many parking tickets is pulled into one of these stings, but then his paperwork gets crossed with the murderer's (Sir Ian McKellan, collecting a paycheck) and he ends up going to PMITA prison where hilarity ensues until the lawyer with a heart of gold (Katie Holmes, in a Post-Tom comeback?) gets him out and they live happily ever after. Hey, that's not too bad...certainly better than some crappy remake.

I'm Going To Have To Start Carrying A Digital Recorder

2008-05-07T19:53:00.002-04:00

Jane and I drove to Mom's this evening. Here is our actual conversation:

Jane: Is this the way to Evan's house?

Me: You could get to Evan's house this way, yeah.

Jane: I thought so. I remember all these trees in this specific order.

(Less than one minute later)

Jane: You know those two big circles in front of you? [The Speedometer and the Tachometer]

Me: Yes.

Jane: They look like eyes. And those three circles between them look like a unibrow. I know what a unibrow looks like because I made one with ketchup on my giant chicken nugget at lunch today.

So Close To Great

2008-05-02T20:01:00.002-04:00

Dan In Real Life has some really, really wonderful moments. There are a lot of very believable family moments here, where the adults have the type of complicated adult relationships that real adults have.

The problem, and it pains me to say this because I'm a huge fan, is Steve Carell. More precisely, it was the script that wasted Steve Carell. I simply did not believe that his character had been a father for 17 years and still made so many huge parenting mistakes. The way he treated his daughters was ridiculous. Maybe it's because the father he portrays in this film is so different from me and he treats his kids so differently than I treat mine, but I don't think so. I just didn't see any respect from Dan to his kids. And that's just not right.

The other major problem were the points in the film where it was clear that the suits said - "Hey we've got Steve Carell - he's got to do something crazy." Each of those spots just fell flat.

Those things are really too bad. Because the parts of this movie that are good are so very good and so very touching. Some more judicious editing and a little script work and this could have been a film to remember.

Another Nice Moment

2008-05-02T17:18:00.003-04:00

Almost exactly three years ago I wrote about the nice moment when I finished my first round of final exams. Well, today it was overcast and the Beatles instead of sunny and the Dead, but it was the last round of finals. At long last I'm done with school.

I Got Tagged

2008-05-01T14:03:00.002-04:00

Here are the rules...

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Here are my random things:

1. I started college 14 years ago, and my last final exam is tomorrow.

2. I should be studying for that exam, but I'm having too much fun playing Grand Theft Auto IV. (Hey, I'm not playing it when Jane's awake because of the constant stream of foul language/over the top violence and since I'm home alone I'm going to make the most of it.)

3. I have nine perfectly normal toes, and one that refuses to bend.

4. I am an absolute TV junkie, could not give it up, and have been going through serious withdrawals the past four months as I watched almost no TV to ensure that I passed all my classes.

5. I have an 11 year old daughter who now spends more time on the computer than I do. I did not think that possible. (Yay for computer nerds!)

6. I read exactly one personal blog and she already tagged me, and since I'm pretty sure that this is one of those no tag-backs things, my branch of her meme ends rather abruptly.

To J.J. Abrams, Re: Your Babies

2008-04-27T22:48:00.003-04:00

Were it medically possible sir, I would have them.

For anyone who has not yet seen Cloverfield, I must recommend it. I find it to be the sign of an excellent movie when I have to remind myself to blink.

For some insight in to why Abrams is the man, watch this video:

I Am Lousy

2008-04-26T21:21:00.003-04:00

Heather and I just finished watching I Am Legend, aka Will Smith vs. The Bad-CGI Army. Holy crap that's a terrible movie. Smith's performance as both soldier and scientist is completely unbelievable. His character's turn from near perfect rationality to emotional wreck is poorly executed and similarly hard to believe.

At one point I accused them of ripping off Stephen King's The Stand (the part where Anna talks about God directing her to NYC), and while that may be the case, I was surprised that the core of this story is from 1954. The movie is the third one based on a Richard Matheson novel. I may read that someday (King himself acknowledges the influence of Matheson's work) but there is no way I will ever watch the movie again.

An Important Upcoming Anniversary

2008-04-17T21:35:00.005-04:00

In one of those magnificent serendipitous Internet moments, I found this page at Stereogum which features a fifteenth anniversary tribute to REM's classic album, Automatic For The People. The anniversary was actually last October (10/5/92) which means that this summer I have an important anniversary to mark.

It will be fifteen years since the first time I made a total jackass out of myself over a girl.

(Don't worry, there's a wonderfully embarrassing story of my past coming. But I wanted to make sure that you click that link and download the free tribute album. There's some really good stuff on there, from people you may have heard of.)

Fifteen years ago this summer, I came to Purdue for the first time. Purdue is the host to GERI, the Gifted Education Resource Institute. The Institute does a lot of good work with young, smart, somewhat socially awkward kids. They host summer camps. Can you see how I fit in this picture?

I was 16 that summer, and about to go into my senior year of high school. I had never had a date, much less a girlfriend. But suddenly, I was in a camp surrounded by other kids like me. I met a girl. And she was great. Really sweet, and pretty, and she was reading Dune. When I was 16, that was hot. Hell, I'm almost twice as old now and I still wish my wife was an SF reader.

Anyway, I met this girl. We had the kind of whirlwind three-day romance that only two inexperienced teenagers could have. The last few days of camp flew by, and soon our time together was over. I promised to write her. She said she would write also. And here's where things get awkward.

While I was going straight home from Purdue, she was going on a three week vacation with her family. And I, in my infinite 16 year old wisdom, decided to write her a letter every day while she was on vacation. You know, so there would be this huge pile of letters for her when she got back from vacation. So I did. I was then, as now, a night owl. I would stay up until four or five in the morning and then write her these long letters. Because I couldn't just do what any normal 16 year old would do, and write a few and then give it up. No, I carried it to the absolute extreme. I wrote her long letters with the most personal details you can imagine. You know - my hopes, my dreams. My fantasies.

Not only did I write these letters, I sealed them and mailed them. Every day. So a few days after I would write a letter, I no longer had any idea what I had written before. Thankfully that hasn't changed - with one exception I still have no idea what was in those letters. That exception was the day I decided to send her one of my favorite tapes. My copy of An American Prayer. If you're not familiar, that's a recording that Jim Morrison (of the Doors) did of his poetry. Because you know - teenaged girls who are into SF love the abstract poetry of dead rock stars known for their abuse of alcohol and drugs.*

I sent her 21 letters and waited for a response. Nothing came. I waited a couple more days, then I called directory assistance and got her phone number. I called, and had I been just a few years older, I'm sure I would have known how freaked out she was by the sound of her voice. She didn't want to talk to me. I offered to come visit her - she only lived 5 1/2 hours away - that was nothing, right? She didn't want me to come visit. She said she was going to write me a letter.

And she did. It didn't come for a few weeks. I can still remember getting that small purple envelope out of the mailbox at Mom's house. I was so excited. A little disappointed that it wasn't thicker - clearly she hadn't written me anything near the sheer volume that I had written her.

I took it up to my room and read it. As you have no doubt guessed, it started with "I don't want to hurt you" and ended with "Please don't ever contact me again." To say that I was crushed is to understate things dramatically. She actually wrote in there that I scared her. That was what really got to me. This was a few years before the term stalker became popular, but certainly from her point of view that label would apply. Or maybe just psycho. You can take your pick.

Wondering what this has to do with REM? Not if you're an REM fan. I'm sure you're already well aware of where this is heading. After I got that eye-opening letter in the little purple envelope, I put on Automatic. And I cued it up to track 4** and listened to Everybody Hurts on repeat for about an hour. To this day, every time I hear that song, the first thing I think about is how crazy I was when I was sixteen. For my sake, for my wife's sake, I'm glad things have settled down.

*I bought that again when it came out on CD and I've still got it around here somewhere. I'm going to have to give it another listen in honor of this anniversary.

**I wrote that, then checked it on Wikipedia to make sure, but I needn't have bothered. 15 years later and I had no doubt of the track number.

It Started With A Picture

2008-04-17T08:58:00.002-04:00

This picture in fact:(That's Jerry Only, bassist for The Misfits)

I've noticed that I post frequently about the funny things that Daughter #2 does and says, and I don't mention Daughter #1 nearly as often. That's mainly because Lu is now old enough that she pays attention to the things that she says and does, whereas Jane has no such internal editor. The things she comes up with just come straight out. But Lu has her own kind of humor, and it's getting to be of an ever more sophisticated kind. The following is an exchange we had over email last night (While we were sitting no more than five feet away from another. We're a twenty-first century family for sure.)

I started it, sending her that picture with the subject "Your New Haircut" at 8:55 PM.

8:57: no thank u

8:57: I did not say it was an option.

8:58: i dont care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:59: Did I forget to install the capital letters on your computer? Do I need to check your shift key to make sure it works?

9:01: it works i just dont use it

9:02: You need to use it. I paid for the whole computer and if you're not using the whole thing then I'm not getting my money's worth. If you don't start using it, I may have to let Jane use it with the Caps Lock key on just to give the capitals a workout.

9:04: What do u want from me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

9:05: You are progressing nicely. Excellent use of a capital, although we English-speakers like to stick with just one punctuation mark at the end of a sentence.

(Also, u = you. Two extra letters makes all the difference.)

9:05: ...

At this point I turned to her and said, "You only sent three periods?" and she said, "Yeah, like this," and gave me this incredible look of disdain. It was awesome, hilarious and perfectly appropriate. That was the most fun ten minutes of my day yesterday.

A Lesson In Awesome

2008-04-11T19:27:00.004-04:00

About a month ago Heather and I went to Jane's school for parent-teacher conferences. As we waited in the hallway we checked out some of the artwork that the kids had been doing. Apparently the assignment was to draw something regarding robots. So there were lots of things like "the robot cleans the dishes" and "the robot is my friend" and other boring typical second-grade fare. We searched for Jane's art, and once again she proves that she is the Queen of all Awesome:
If you're having trouble reading that, it says, "The toy robot burst into flames."

My kid RULES.

All This Diversity Is A Good Thing, Right?

2008-03-31T17:54:00.003-04:00

Political correctness, my nemesis, has struck my childrens' textbooks, albeit in a mostly positive way. The readings that Jane does are constantly about some cultural group other than her own white middle American, which doesn't bother me, but it does have unintended effects. For example, today's take-home reading was about Chinese New Year. So now Jane, fascinated by learning one foreign-language phrase (which she reported to me, was "Chinese. Or Spanish. Or something like that"), has been walking around the house with a constant stream of ,"Gung hay fat choy," coming out her mouth.

A. Constant. Stream.

Over and over.

"Gung hay fat chooyyyyyy. Gung hay fat chooyyyyyy. Gung hay fat chooyyyyyy."

I love globalization. At least she is preparing herself for our Chinese overlords.

A Subtraction That Makes A Positive Improvement

2008-03-14T20:22:00.002-04:00

The above is from garfield minus garfield, one of my favorite online comics. An excellent example of a derivative work being far better than the original. It turns a comic that was mildly funny when I was ten years old into the story of a sad and lonely man, trying in vain to get excited about his life. Who can't identify with that? Highly recommended.

And I Thought I Was Unique

2008-03-12T16:43:00.001-04:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
4
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

A Brief Conversation With Jane Stenger

2008-03-05T17:16:00.002-05:00

Jane: "Mama said..."

Me: "Knock you out! I'm gonna knock you out!"

Jane: (Blank look) "Huh?"

Me: "Never mind."

How Amazon Stays In Business

2008-03-03T17:43:00.002-05:00

While driving today, I listened to an old episode of The Sound of Young America on which Ira Glass (of This American Life fame) was interviewed. On the program Ira plugged the book he had then recently released (the episode in question was from last November) titled The New Kings of Nonfiction. I had heard of the book before but had forgotten about it, so I decided to head into the Barnes & Noble right next to the store when I got off work.

Being a collection of nonfiction essays, I wasn't exactly sure where it might be shelved, so I hung out at the center desk and waited for someone to help me. About three minutes later, one of them finished with a phone call and asked me what I needed. I gave the title and the editor and she began searching the computer. Nothing - not listed at all. She asked two others for help finding it, and no one could. Finally, one of the employees told me that the best thing to do would be for me to go home, find the book on the internet then call them and give them the ISBN number so then maybe they could order it for me.

Sure, that's just what I'll do. I promise I won't skip all those steps and just hit "Order Now with 1-Click." You betcha.

The Season Continues

2006-10-04T12:33:00.000-04:00

We're a couple of weeks into the season, let's catch up.

Weeds - good, but not as ground-breakingly good as last year. It seems like Jenji Kohan and crew have taken every scenario they could think of, come up with the most off the wall resolution possible and gone with it. I'm not saying it's bad, because it's better than most other TV shows. It just seems like this season is missing the small moments that made last season SO good. This one started early so there are only three episodes left this season, it will be interesting to see how they wrap things up. And of course, which threads they leave unwrapped.

How I Met Your Mother - First two episodes have been very good. Neil Patrick Harris kills on this show week after week. My favorite thing so far this season is the treatment of Marshall and Lily's broken engagement. It has been very well written, and like real relationships, was not fixed in 22 minutes.

My Name Is Earl - First two have been very good. I really like that they have managed to throw in somewhat of a continued storyline for these first two instead of just Earl trying to work on his list. It will be interesting to see what they make of Joy's kidnapping charge. It seems like Joy's kids have been completely left off the show. No appearances at all in the first two despite Joy being featured so prominently. Not that anyone will miss them, of course.

The Office - Cream of the crop. Carell is one of the funniest guys on the planet. And the show stays safely out of the realm of self-parody. Carell's Michael Scott is a beautiful translation of Gervais' David Brent - they are both complex people who are critically insecure. The last episode had a nice little moment that reminds you how Michael got to be the regional manager - he hangs out with the guys from Hammermill for a little while and all of a sudden he makes a huge deal for his company. It's a little touch but without that you wonder why in the hell Dunder Mifflin would bother keeping him around.

Bones - Very strong so far this season. It remains the best mix of procedural and emotional TV on the schedule. The only complaint is, as usual, fucking Fox - who are showing the World Series in its place for a matter of weeks.

Criminal Minds - This one is no slouch either. They followed up an excellent season premiere with a tight episode about the buying and selling of children on the internet. The cast is kind of ensembly, but high marks go to Thomas Gibson, who has managed to leave the stigma of Dharma and Greg behind and play his Agent Hotchner as a very believable yet tough as nails badass. Also noteworthy is newcomer Matthew Gubler's Dr. Spencer Reid. He gets a fair amount of screen time and he proved readily that he deserved it in the two part season finale/opener.

Extras - Gervais is a bastard. Like The Office, we only get two seasons of this before he and his hetero life mate Stephen Merchant move on. I've heard rumors that they want to move into drama, more "serious" territory. Gentlemen - have you watched your shows? You create complex characters in real situations. Sure, there happens to be a lot of the wonderful funny, but the little dramatic moments are some of the best. No one on seven continents will ever forget when Tim took Dawn into the side room and took off his mic, then came out dejected shortly thereafter. Speaking of great, I'd love to see Martin Freeman in more work. He did a BBC show call The Robinsons, but I haven't seen any of it. Yet.

Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip - This is easily my favorite new show of the season. Matthew Perry can do no wrong, and Amanda Peet has been fantastic. Some have criticized the show within the show based on last week's adaption of the major general song. The latest episode should put those criticisms to rest, with much more of the show and its process shown. Not one to be missed.

Standoff - Still good, but it's one that I can watch while I'm doing something else. Doesn't mean I don't like it, just that it isn't so complex that I need to pay close attention and I can follow the plot with ease. Yet another victim of the World Series. Who the hell even watches baseball anymore?

Jericho - I liked the second episode, though I have seen criticism about the kitchen sink approach of the first episode. What with the nuclear blast, the missing bus of schoolchildren and the escaped convicts they had plenty to deal with. Thankfully by the end of episode two it's just the nuclear blast. The real standout on the show so far has been Lennie James and his mysterious "ex-St. Louis cop" who clearly knows far more about what's going on than he should. The show reminds me strongly of Testament, an excellent early 80's movie about the effects of nuclear war on a small town. If I recall correctly, that didn't end so well for the town.

Kidnapped - This built on the suspense in the first episode and ran with it in the second. I think the key that they have found to keep things fresh is to spend a lot of time in "real time." It's not 24 or anything, but we're two shows in and what, one full day since the kidnapping has passed? It's hard to pick out the MVP so far, but both Jeremy Sisto and Delroy Lindo are fantastic. I for one could definitely see more of Dana Delany.

Men In Trees - Still funny and cute. Abraham Benrubi is the man. His portrayal of Olaf the Troll God from Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Can it be babies?") is legendary. He is being well used here.

House - nothing but good. We really should just import British actors wholesale. Here's an idea - let's colonize Britain. We'll bring them crappy health care and public schools while they give us great TV. Yet again, thanks to Fox and their belief that a pointless sporting contest is more important than quality TV it will be a while before we see new episodes.

Grey's Anatomy - Meredith Grey is the least interesting person on the show. Everyone else is fantastic. Some excellent character growth in the latest episode from Sandra Oh's Dr. Yang. Harold of Harold & Kumar fame, John Cho himself guested brilliantly last year. This year let's see Kumar.

Heroes - Decent first episode, haven't caught the second yet. Very, very X-men without the pesky lawsuits from Marvel. Masi Oka's aptly named character Hiro was the highlight of the pilot. We'll see if this goes anywhere.

Six Degrees - My first casualty of this TV season. The opener was okay, with plenty of fantastic slumming movie folks - Hope Davis, Campbell Scott, Erika Christensen. But I just didn't give a shit. It's by one of the creator's of Lost, but this is no Lost. The pilot of Lost grabbed your attention from moment one and only heightened your interest from that point on.

Dexter - Poor Michael Hall. He was fantastic on Six Feet Under, but he's now knee deep in this gross-fest. I don't know if this is really good or bad, I quit watching around the four minute mark when they showed a close-up of Hall cutting a guy's face with a scalpel. Too bad - this had potential and the creators didn't realize that the unseen is far more scary/creepy than that which is laid out before you.

Veronica Mars - Watched the third season opener today. Fan-damn-tastic. A very strongly written show that only gets better as each season goes on. It's the new Buffy, with more believable stories. The addition of Chris Lowell as Wallace's college roommate (and potential new love interest for Veronica or Mac, or in a perfect world both at the same time, with cameras rolling of course) can only be good for the show. Lowell was fantastic on the brilliant but cancelled Life As We Know It a couple of years ago. Let's hope he gets plenty of screen time.

Gilmore Girls - Plenty of people have written the show off with the departure of the Sherman-Palladinos. It's still good. I'm reserving judgment until I see more of what they do with the Lorelai-Luke-Christopher threesome. I've got faith though - Lane's description of her hatred of sex following her first attempt at sex with new husband Zach was comedy gold. The only thing that seems out of place so far is Kirk - he's being written differently to the detriment of the character. And where the hell are Emily and Richard? No presence in the first two episodes? Whose idea was that?

Lost and The Nine premiere tonight. I have no doubt that Lost will be good, and I'm cautiously excited about what they do with the split of the season into two distinct stories. Chi McBride is in The Nine, and he is definitely someone who needed more work. I also have the pilot of Friday Night Lights to watch. As much as I hate the sports, I am a sucker for a well done sports drama. Go figure.

Mellowing With Age

2006-09-29T19:00:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, it seems like things were far more polarized. There were fewer shades of gray and far more blacks and whites. You either liked Tiffany or Debbie Gibson. You couldn't like both The Doors and Guns & Roses. You made snap decisions based on minimal information and by god you stuck to them for years.

I've changed. I like both Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, as well as both The Doors and G&F&R. Fleetwood Mac and even, god help me, Neil Young have made some great music, something I would never have said even a few years ago.

I hope I'm more open to all kinds of things, not just music. I like to think so.

Here's Something For You To Look Forward To

2006-09-23T21:41:00.000-04:00

JANE: (In tears) Daddy, my nose hurts and I think there's something up my nose.

ME: Calm down. What do you mean you think there's something up your nose? What's up your nose?

JANE: I don't know.

ME: What do you mean you don't know? Did you put something up your nose?

JANE: (Crying harder) I don't know.

ME: What was it? How did it get in your nose?

JANE: (Crying so hard she can barely speak) I don't know.

ME: What side is it on?

JANE: (Pointing) This side.

So I pressed on her other nostril and told her to blow. And out came a small purple cylinder, approximately 3/8 of an inch long and a 1/4 inch wide.

ME: What is this?

JANE: (Still crying) I don't know.

ME: Did you put this up your nose?

JANE: I was just watching the movie and playing around and it just went up my nose.

ME: I think it's time for bed.

The New Crop

2006-09-23T00:24:00.000-04:00

I've been away from the blog for awhile, and I was reading through some of my old posts to refresh my memory. There's some good stuff there, imaginary readers. Every imaginary one of you should read every word, over and over and treasure it.

I got as far as my post from last fall about the new TV season before I had to write another post.

Here's how things shook out after last season's TV adventures:

Scrubs still rocks. The cliffhanger last season was excellent and I eagerly await the new season. The brain trust at NBC has decided to delay its start again this year.

Weeds has become a cultural phenomenon. Just to remind you, I was there first. It is great. I'm about three episodes behind because my viewing partner (and sole regular reader of this blog) and I have been unable to get together for a few weeks to watch. I have no doubt that it has only improved so far.

Kitchen Confidential was great but short-lived. I read the book that the series was based on, and I was surprised that I liked the fictional version of Anthony Bourdain far more than the real one.

How I Met Your Mother blossomed over the course of its freshman season and started strong this year. What seemed like a limited premise has proven viable and it's one of the few things that my wife and I make time for to watch together each week.

I watched an episode and a half of Everybody Hates Chris. It was popular, but I just wasn't into it. You can only watch so much cruelty directed at children before you get really, really tired of it. Bad Santa had the same problem.

My Name Is Earl is another breakout hit that really lives up to the hype. I've known for years that Jason Lee is a truly funny man, and now the world knows. Hopefully we'll all be treated to years of Earl and the gang.

The Office continues to dominate. The American version has now had something like two and a half times the number of episodes that the British original ever had, and it is still going strong. There are still plenty of plot points from the original to be used. By my count we're about halfway through the Tim & Dawn/Jim & Pam relationship. If things progress as I think they must this year, the office that Jim moved to will be closed and consolidated with Michael Scott's Scranton office, bringing Jim back into contact with the newly single Pam and bringing new series regular and Daily Show alum Ed Helms along for the ride. You can be certain that hilarity will ensue. My prediction: look for a sweeps visit from one of the Daily Show folks that haven't been on the show yet. Odds for Jon Stewart - 3:1. Odds for Stephen Colbert - 3:2. Odds for Rob Corddry - 5:1 if his new show The Winner is a hit, 1:1 if it bombs after less than six episodes. Odds for Samantha Bee - 2:1.

Rome fizzled for me. I recorded every episode and only ended up watching three. Now that the entire first season is done (and Deadwood is gone) I may give it another shot if I can find some free time.

Just Legal was very good and starred the always funny Jay Baruchel. Cancelled after two episodes, well before its time. Thanks again Fox.

Invasion cooled off quickly. It seemed like it had all been done before and despite some excellent cast members it couldn't hold my attention.

Wait a minute, which one was Surface? I think I may be confusing Invasion with Surface, which explains just how memorable these shows were. One of them had William Fichtner and the other I don't remember at all.

Bones is fantastic. Strong individual stories each week supporting an ever present back story. Last season had some real tear-jerking moments. It's off to a good start this season as well. Boreanaz and Deschanel have excellent chemistry. Looks like they will also be fleshing out some more members of the supporting cast this season, which I look forward to.

Supernatural was a hit with the young folks but just too damn cliched for me to watch.

Commander In Chief had a great premise and a fantastic supporting cast (including Zack freaking Morris) but it was just too formulaic. Every week the nation's problems were wrapped up tidily in 44 minutes. Had they dug in a little deeper this could have been excellent.

Reunion was good, although it was saddled with a tough gimmick, namely that every episode advanced the flashbacks by a year. You can only keep that going so far before you've got the characters living on Mars and downloading their brains into computers to colonize the outer reachs of the galaxy. This one got canned after nine episodes, so I never saw who the murderer was. If it gets a DVD release it might be worth a rental.

Criminal Minds is fantastic. The best police procedural on TV right now. The season premiere was the conclusion of an excellent cliffhanger from last spring. Satisfying and well worth the wait.

Threshold, despite the talents of Carla Gugino, Brent Spiner, Charles S. Dutton and the incomparable Peter Dinklage, also got canned. It had an interesting premise vaguely reminiscent of Snow Crash but it turned into a monster of the week show very fast. Dinklage needs more work.

Ghost Whisperer lost my interest after less than one episode. Heather likes it though, which is absolutely no surprise.

I had to hit up IMDb to remember Inconcievable, which is sad. It was a very funny show about a fertility clinic and it only lasted two episodes. I would have watched every week, readily.

Killer Instinct was also good and also cancelled. It held the distinction of being the grossest and most graphic police procedural on TV. Poor Kristin Lehman - first Tilt and now this died early. She is another one that needs more work.

I caught the first episode of the second season of Extras today. Gervais and Merchant are still at the top of their collective game. Odds of an Americanization of Extras: 1:1.

Here's the rundown on what's new so far:

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is my favorite show of the year so far. It's the new Sorkin and it looks to be the new Sports Night, which is a fantastic thing. I liked this so well I watched the pilot twice.

Standoff has been pretty good so far. Gina Torres plus Ron Livingston equals watch it every week until Fox cans it. So essentially, enjoy next week's episode because it won't last long.

The pilot of Jericho was very good. Gerald McRaney is fresh off a career defining stint as George Hearst on Deadwood and he lends his gravitas to the role of the small-town Kansas mayor expertly. I'm a sucker for a good post-apocalyptic story though, ever since I was 10 years old and read a novel about the results of a nuclear blast on a small town. I thought it was The Day After, but all I can find on that is the movie by that name, with no novelization mentioned.

I was hesitant to watch Kidnapped, but Hercules' review from AICN convinced me to give it a shot. Well worth it. Fast paced, and I would watch Dana Delaney read the phone book.

A big surprise is how good Men In Trees is. I didn't think I liked Anne Heche, but I was seriously wrong. The longer hair is a big help, but the show is funny and smart as well. I think that given time it could build a sizable audience, but ABC has seen fit to throw it to the wolves of Friday night. Enjoy it while you can.

Other returning shows I haven't mentioned yet:

House remains fantastic. Looks like the miracle cure from the end of last season is wearing off. That's a shame, as too often real change is left out of dramas. I was enjoying the way they were dealing with a suddenly pain-free House, but I guess that was too much of a stretch for the show's creators. Hugh Laurie is fantastic, a secret I have known since I started watching Black Adder at 14.

Grey's Anatomy also had a strong opener. The show is a little soapy at times, but the stories of the patients keep it from drowning in itself.

Other premieres I'm looking forward to:

Heroes
The Nine
Six Degrees
Dexter
Lost
Veronica Mars
Gilmore Girls
Smallville

and the best show on TV at this time:

Battlestar Galactica, due back in just two short weeks.

Eternal Flame

2006-09-23T00:10:00.001-04:00

There are certain songs that cause a complete interruption of my life. Eternal Flame, by the Bangles, is one of those. Every time I hear it I just stop everything and listen to it. And every time I listen to it I'm back in 7th grade at the dance with a girl named Jan.

Why Jan agreed to go to the dance with me I will never know. It was my first dance ever, and if I remember correctly I was the only boy to buy my date a corsage. We didn't arrive together nor did we leave together. She didn't want to dance with me and I can clearly recall us fighting out in the hall over that fact.

But dance we did, at least once. Was it to Eternal Flame? I have no idea. It's possible I suppose, but 17 years later that detail is gone forever.

Dear Brandon

2005-12-09T20:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Brandon,
After 30 years of marriage, I have filed for divorce. It has been a tumultuous marriage, filled with continuous emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse. With the loving support of close friends and a good counselor, I have finally found the strength to leave. Though the divorce process is devastating, I am looking forward to a new life.
The problem I have is the reaction of our friends and family. Even though I have lived with the abuse for years, it always has been behind closed doors. I put up a good front, too proud and ashamed to let others know. My husband is perceived to be the most wonderful, caring man, but he is a closet abuser, and now I am made to look like an ungrateful, back-stabbing wife.
I am not listing abuse as the reason for the divorce (we have agreed upon "irretrievable breakdown"), and I am only asking for a fair share of our household, yet I have lost 30-year friendships in this ordeal. His family will no longer talk to me.
There are two sides to every story. How can I get these people to stop passing judgment without knowing the whole truth? - Name and Location Withheld

Dear Friend:
Are you seriously fucking telling me that you have the strength to leave a long-term abuser and yet you're not up to telling the world that he abused you? If he's abusing you, the divorce needs to read abuse. Your fair share of the household? You take every fucking cent. His family won't talk to you? Sounds like you got off easy to me. Your friends won't talk to you? Make them understand or write them off and get new ones. It is never too late to make a positive change in your life. I'm sorry that you didn't write me sooner, as this could have been much easier on you. It's far less expensive to hire a hitman to deal with this kind of problem than go through a messy divorce.

Dear Brandon,
A friend of ours recently had a quickie wedding at the courthouse with just immediate family present. My husband and I were invited to attend a dinner reception at a restaurant after the ceremony. When we arrived, we discovered that the dinner included only the bride, groom, her parents and two other relatives.
When the bill came, it was placed between my husband and the groom. It became very apparent that they expected my husband to pay this quite expensive tab.
At that point, my husband turned to the bride's father and politely asked if he would like to split it down the middle. The bride's father said that wouldn't be possible since he didn't bring any cash. My husband stated a little more firmly that surely the restaurant accepted credit cards, and finally, the bride's father agreed to split the bill.
My husband and I both feel taken advantage of by our friends. We gave a generous gift and had no idea they expected the reception to be on us. We did not even receive a thank you from any of them. How should we have handled this? - Feeling Slighted In Cleveland

Dear Slighted:
I feel sorry for you, I really do. You married a man who apparently has only half a sac. If he was fully testiculated, he would have refused to pay a damn thing. And where were you in this? I've seen plenty of upset women in my time, believe me, and you should have been all over these "friends" of yours. You could have made an incredible scene right there in the restaurant, and you chose to sit meekly by while ole one-nut tried to talk himself to the halfway mark. For your husband I recommend prosthetic surgery. They are doing wonderful things with silicone these days and he'll feel like the man he's always wanted to be. And for you I suggest you run, do not walk, to your local music store and purchase Tammy Wynette's classic 1968 album, Stand By Your Man.

Learning To Read

2005-12-09T19:44:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in my recliner this morning, watching today's Daily Show.

Jane walks in the room, sits down in the other chair and picks up Heather's address book.

She begins reading from it. But only the zip codes. This goes on for a few minutes, Jon Stewart doing his thing, and Jane calmly but steadily reading a series of numbers.

I pause Jon and turn to Jane.

ME: "That's a little weird."

JANE: "What?"

ME: "Reading from an address book."

JANE: "Why?"

ME: "Most people just don't do it."

JANE: "Okay. I'll start over from A."

ME: "Great."

Not Bad, Just Different.

2005-11-27T21:14:00.000-05:00

The thing to remember about The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is that it did not begin life as a book. Although that is the way that most people know it, it began as an idea in Douglas Adams' head. Then it became a radio play on the BBC.

And it was massively popular.

So popular, in fact, that Adams began writing novels about this book he had created, and the characters that happened to live in its universe.

And the radio play was different from what was in Douglas' head, and the books were different from the radio play. And then came the TV series. Again, different from the ur-Guide in Douglas' head, the radio play and the books. After the TV series, there was the computer game, a true classic from a visionary company called Infocom. Yet again, game was different from TV show and books and radio play and nebulous idea.

They all featured a Hitchhiker's Guide, and people named Ford and Arthur and Trillian, but those people did different things and that Guide had different entries and those entries said different things.

Towards the end of his life, Douglas became involved in the creation of a big Hollywood style production of his beloved Guide. I was initially excited when I heard about it, and cooled considerably after reading reviews detailing just how much was different from the books.

But I didn't really consider those changes in the spirit of the history of Douglas' favorite project. Throughout his life it changed form and evolved depending on the medium. The motion picture would be no different. Doug died before the film was completed, and I suspect it suffers for that.

I didn't see the movie when it hit theaters, and it wasn't really even on my radar until I finished watching the British version of The Office. One of the lead characters in the show is played by a guy by the name of Martin Freeman. In checking his filmography I found that he had played Arthur Dent in the HHGG movie.

So I had to see it.

And it isn't bad, only different. There are certainly parts of it that are bad, but on the whole it's pretty good. The parts that are bad are, generally speaking, the ones that were created from whole cloth for the film. The entire sequence involving John Malkovich's character could simply have been removed and I wouldn't have minded one bit.

If you love the books, do see the film. But remember, Douglas told the same story many different ways throughout his life and the movie is not the book. Let's face it - the man was a genius. He had one truly brilliant idea in his life and managed to support himself rather well for the remainder of that life off of it. We should all be so lucky.

Dear Brandon

2005-11-18T16:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Brandon,
I recently reconnected with someone I had not seen in over three years. "Bev" is a friend of my sister's, and someone whom I find very attractive. She also is a genuinely nice person, and I know that she thinks highly of me as well.
I would love to ask her out, but she has a boyfriend. Bev's friends and family do not like this guy. Three months ago, when the boyfriend moved 3000 miles away, everyone expected them to break up, but it hasn't happened.
I value Bev's friendship and would like it to be more, but I'm not sure how to proceed. How do I let her know I'm interested without coming off like a complete snake? - Smitten and Confused

Dear Smitten:
OMG could you be more of a pussy? You have the perfect opportunity handed to you when the boyfriend moves 3000 miles away and you mope and waste time writing to me instead of going after the girl. Here's an idea - tell Bev how you feel and ask her out. If she makes noises about the boyfriend, just tell her you thought that they had broken up since he felt more strongly about moving than he did about staying with her. If that doesn't work, you're just not doing it right, you have no hope, and you should just go home, lay down in your bed and die.

Dear Brandon,
Thanks for publishing the letter from "Gaga-Googoo," whose co-worker talked in baby talk. I have a friend who does this, particularly with new acquaintances - people she meets in elevators, waitstaff, cashiers, you name it. Not only is it insulting to everyone's intelligence, it is embarrassing.
Some friends and I finally called a psychologist who said these people resort to baby talk because they want unconditional approval. Most come from broken homes and unconsciously seek to replace the bond that was left unfulfilled. It's all about love and approval. - Robert

Dear Robert:
I'm not interested in some hack shrink's opinion on the matter. I'll tell you the same thing I told that twit "Gaga-Googoo:" give your friend one warning on the matter, and then punch them in the fucking head the next time they make with the baby talk. As Barney Fife said, "You've got to nip that shit in the bud."

Dear Brandon

2005-11-16T16:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Brandon,
I am in my late 20's and I have been happily married for over five years. Here is the problem:
May parents divorced when I was little, and my father is an alcoholic. Ever since I can remember, he would call me on the phone, drunk and rambling so much that by the end of the call, I would be in tears. The past couple of years he's gotten worse. He is verbally abusive, calling me names and telling me how stupid I am, but in the same breath, crying that I am the only thing in his life.
I have tried to stand up to him, and it has only made things worse. He tells me that his miserable life is all my fault and that he doesn't have a drinking problem.
Brandon, this is killing me and my marriage. I am ready to start a family and I do not want Dad to have any contact with my future kids until he can get sober. I have tried the help groups and have had counselors talk to the rest of my relatives. I don't know what else to do other than to move away from my family. - Sober Only Child

Dear Sober:
You need to fuck your Dad up. I recommend a baseball bat. The next time he calls you when he's drunk, go over to his house and beat the living crap out of him. Don't kill him, because that could really end your plans for a successful family life. But threaten to kill him the next time he calls you after he's been drinking. If he calls the cops, hang out and wait for them. Explain that he called you and bragged about all the times he molested you when you were a child. At this point, it's probably wisest to leave as the cops will most likely take their anger out on your Dad as well.

Dear Brandon,
I have three sisters and one brother, and we all live in the same retirement community, We all are in our 70's and our spouses are all living.
This place has many activities. You can do most anything whether or not you are skilled at it.
We play golf, even though we are terrible at it, we go to the swimming pool, even though we don't really swim, but we all have a great time, and all activities are free.
However, one sister refuses to participate in any activity, whether or not her husband joins us. "Bessie" always has an excuse - she's not feeling well, it's too hot, too cold, too windy. We only have a few years left, and we would love to get her to spend more time with us. Do you have any ideas? - Miss Her In Tampa, Fla

Dear Miss Her:
Yes, thankfully, I'm full of ideas. I think that you should leave her the fuck alone and let her die in peace. I think that maybe over the course of the last 70+ years you should have realized that "Bessie" got sick of you sometime around age 3. I think that "Bessie" shows great patience in being able to put up with your meddling ass for such a long period of time, as I have grown tired of you already. I think your sister would rather stay at home, sniff some glue and watch Hungarian porn rather than go out with you and the rest of your "active senior" siblings. I think that if you ever write me another letter, I'll come down there and make you wish that you had died of a heart attack in your fifties like all decent people do.

Dear Brandon,
I read the letter from "Once Bitten, Twice Shy in New York," whose in-laws' dog tried to bite her 2 year old daughter. The in-laws refused to keep the dog away from the girl.
Dogs that are accustomed to being around adults are unpredictable around young children. Sudden movements and squeals so typical of children having fun can trigger an attack by a normally docile animal.
I was working in the ER when a 4-year-old child was brought in with a severe head injury from a dog that had never been aggressive toward anyone before.
Shame on the grandparents for jeopardizing the safety of their grandchild. It's sad that little girl will grow up knowing their dog was more important than she was. - Nanna in Lousiana

Dear Nanna:
Thanks for the letter reminding us all just how vicious animals can be, even with no prior history of such acts. Believe me, had "Once Bitten" seen fit to give me the address of her in-laws, me and "Sober" up above would have grabbed our baseball bats and beat that dog to death while making the owners watch. "Sober" can get a little carried away though, so maybe it's for the best that we didn't go over there...I'd hate to have to give a statement to the police about how the two elderly fucks tied to their chairs got their heads smashed in. Too many people have their priorities out of whack when it comes to animals. Take for example the fine people at PETA - they have an annual budget of over $25 million dollars. According to those commercials I always see, I could feed a starving child for just 40 cents a day. With PETA's annual budget they could feed 171,232 starving children every day for a year. Think about that the next time you go to write them a check, and maybe you should change the "Pay To The Order Of:" line to something more appropriate.

There's Just Something About British TV

2005-10-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

My love of BBC productions started when I was about 14. I would stay up late every Saturday night and watch Black Adder at midnight. A brilliant show, and my introduction to the genius that is Rowan Atkinson.

More recently there have been some greats like The Office (and now Gervais' Extras) and the phenomenally brilliant Long Way Round.

My latest English love is Hex. It's kind of like the British equivalent of Buffy, if Willow had been killed in the first episode and Buffy had gotten pregnant with the child of a fallen angel. It's twisted and genius.

The only thing that sucks about it (and all British TV) is that there's only 6 episodes to a season. I want more, damnit!

Context Critical

2005-09-28T00:31:00.000-05:00

Just saw a commercial for a new movie called Into The Blue.

I love those quotes they pull for the commercials, like "Will Leave You Breathless!"

The reason they pull those quotes out of context is that it's hard to promote a movie when the whole line reads, "When you watch this movie, you'll throw up every meal you've had for a week, and that probably will leave you breathless."

Little Boxes On The Shelf

2005-09-27T23:44:00.000-05:00

I went shopping for toothpaste two days ago. I tend to buy toothpaste in bulk, so it had been a while. I actually didn't need toothpaste yet, but I happened to catch a commercial for a new flavor called Lemon Ice. Lemon toothpaste sounded really good, so I was off to find some.

Holy shit, there's like 500 flavors of toothpaste now. Seriously.

I'm used to toothpaste flavors like Fresh Mint and Clean Mint and Totally Mint and Mint Explosion.

I bought a fucking variety pack of toothpaste. Four different flavors in tiny tubes in one handy box.

This insane consumer culture that we live in has created some awful things and does awful things to people, but damnit, I'm never giving up my Vanilla Mint Crest.

A New Season

2005-09-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

Been a while. So of course I'm writing about something critical.

It's my favorite time of year.

The new TV season has begun.

Last year saw a bumper crop of good new shows, including Lost, Desperate Housewives, House, Grey's Anatomy, Medium, Veronica Mars, Kevin Hill, Eyes and Numbers. All but two of those made it back this fall, and there's also a ton of good new stuff debuting as well.

Three shows I'm already over: Twins, The War At Home and Out Of Practice.

These three shows are all half hour comedies. They aren't subtle at all, contain no dramatic elements and are filled with characters you couldn't possibly care about. They're excellent examples of a failed paradigm. There are still good half hour comedies out there, but they also contain elements of drama and characters that go through actual human situations. An excellent example of a half hour comedy that works is Scrubs. If you're not watching this, you're really missing out. It's the MASH of the 21st century. One of this fall's freshman shows that fits the bill is Weeds. It's about a widow who turns to dealing pot to pay the bills. It is a great mix of the funny and the dramatic, and the main character (played by Mary-Louise Parker) is incredible, doing the kind of bizarre unexplainable things that real people do when they lose someone close to them. Plus it's got an awesome theme song, Malvina Reynolds Little Boxes.

Also in the half hour form but still on the fence are Kitchen Confidential and How I Met Your Mother. Pilots for both were good, but I'll need to see some more before I pass judgement. Of course, each of these has a former cast member of Buffy, so I'll probably watch them even if they suck, suck, suck.

I'm looking forward to Everybody Hates Chris. I think that Chris Rock used to be funny, so hopefully he was drop dead hilarious when he was 10.

Jason Lee plays an excellent hick version of Jason Lee on My Name Is Earl. So far, so good. Gonna need to see if the main concept holds up over a few episodes, but the pilot was funny.

Do not miss The Office. You thought Steve Carell was funny in The 40 Year Old Virgin? You were right. And he's funny every week as the American Ricky Gervais.

New hour-longs I'm watching (or at least still interested in) are Rome, Just Legal, Invasion, Surface, Bones, Supernatural, Commander In Chief, Reunion, Criminal Minds, Threshold, Ghost Whisperer, Inconcievable and Killer Instinct. That's a freakin' ton folks - I haven't even managed to watch the first episodes of most of these yet. Thank goodness for the PVR.

Here's the quick run down on what I've seen so far - don't miss Rome or Criminal Minds. The former is full of total unknowns playing dress up in ancient Italy and the latter features Mandy Patinkin showing you why people keep putting him on TV. Definitely keep an eye on Bones, Supernatural, Reunion and Threshold - you can thank Lost for all the new genre TV this fall, and some of it might actually turn out good.

Is this stuff important? I certainly spend a lot of time on it. Maybe Ricky Gervais was really talking about me in the first episode of Extras when he said, "You are a deeply shallow person."

No Names Have Been Changed To Protect The Innocent

2005-06-09T18:46:00.000-05:00

I've been a huge fan of Henry Rollins since I was about 16. Not the music - I've never enjoyed that stuff. His spoken word performances, however, are something amazing to behold. I picked up one of his spoken word CDs in a Coconuts Records, probably because of the sweet Henry skeleton pic on the front cover. I bought it because the first track is titled "The Adventures of An Asshole" and it was 45 minutes long. Listening to that CD was incredible - the stories that Henry tells about his life are incredible, usually funny and always thought-provoking. Since then I've collected all of Henry's spoken CDs, spoken DVDs and seen him live about half a dozen times. The following is the true story of my first trip to see Henry.

It was January, 1999, and we were living in Evansville. Henry was on tour, and he was going to be in Cincinnati at the end of the month. I got a ticket, and so did my buddy Jeremy. On the day of the show I picked up Jeremy and his girlfriend Amanda. We were dropping Amanda at her sister's place in Louisville, KY along the way and picking her up on the way back. At the sister's house we also picked up the sister's boyfriend, Jayne. This cat was strange - and not just regular strange, but the kind of strange that ended up wasting hours of my night.

First problem with Jayne - he didn't have a ticket. This wasn't a last minute thing either, we'd been planning the trip for ages. So we drove around Louisville going to places Jayne just "knew" would be selling tickets. I think the third place we tried was a Ticketmaster outlet, and he got that taken care of. Then he was hungry. I was hungry too, but I wanted to get on the road. We were already behind on time and I was not interested in missing even a little bit of the show. But Jayne didn't want to eat in the van on the way. He assured Jeremy and I that we had plenty of time to get to Cincinnati and that he knew exactly where we were going, as he had been there several times before.

So we ate a quick meal and finally got on the road. With Jayne's impeccable direction, we managed to almost immediately get lost. Turns out he'd never actually driven to the club from Louisville, and gosh he had a really good idea of how to get there, but no one's perfect, ya know? With much grumbling from Jeremy and myself we managed to find Bogart's, where Henry was speaking. The show was an 8PM start, and we passed the marquee at 8:05. We were desperate to find parking. Jayne pointed out a Kroger's down the way, and said "Park in that lot. I've parked there before." I drove to the grocery parking lot and noticed a sign right at the entrance. This was not a small, nearly unnoticeable sign either. It was about six feet wide and four feet high. It proclaimed in rather large letters that parking in this lot was for Kroger customer's only. I asked Jayne about this rather large sign with it's rather large letters. "No problem. That's just to scare off the paranoid people."

At another time, I would have completely ignored this turd and found another place to park. But we had already missed some of Henry, and I was unwilling to miss any more. I chose to believe in Jayne, we locked our coats in the car because it was less than two blocks and we were off.

Henry was amazing. He was already well at it by the time that we managed to get in. I was about 75 feet from him, in the balcony, all the way at the back, standing up. And I stood there enraptured for nearly three hours. I literally didn't notice the time going by. When it was over I couldn't believe it was over so soon, and I wanted more. Sadly, no more was to be had for some time. The three of us met up outside the place and walked the short distance in the cold of the now late January night.

We got to the parking lot and of course, the only thing in the spot where the van had been was a lot of nothing.

"Where's the van Jayne?"

"Uh, they didn't tow us last time."

Around now I happened to look up at one of the light posts and noticed that each and every post in the lot had a small sign on it that read, "In case of towing, call XXX-XXX-XXXX to retrieve your vehicle."

We went in the grocery and spoke to the cop that was apparently watching the front end of the place. He laughed when we told him that our vehicle had been towed. "Must have been a show tonight," he said. After I used the pay phone to call the number, he was kind enough to give us directions to the shed where all the cars were being held.

So, because I was eager to see my idol and Jayne was a straight up dumbass, we ended up walking a mile and half through what turned out to be not such a great neighborhood in the freezing January cold at 11:30 PM. And we did it without coats, because it was less than two blocks to the show, remember?

Coming out of the grocery we hooked up with a pair of girls whose car had also been towed. Walking out of the parking lot we gathered even more. By the time we got to walking in earnest we had easily 15-20 people, all pissed and cold.

At the end of the walk I saw one of the most hideously opportunistic things I had ever seen. The Car Barn as it was known, was currently overflowing with cool young people's cars. Literally - they had filled a couple of vacant lots with the cars that wouldn't fit in the Barn. We walked up and this guy was standing there waiting, a big smile on his face.

"$80 a car. Cash only."

I didn't have $80. I didn't even really have $80 extra in my bank account that I could spend on this. Jeremy and I looked at each other, then we both turned and looked at Jayne. We informed him that since this shit was all his fault, he was paying or he was staying in Cincinnati. He rapidly agreed, but darnit, he didn't have $80 on him. The tow guy spoke up quickly and said that one of the truck drivers would gladly ferry Jayne back to the same Kroger we had just come from to hit the ATM.

While we waited I spoke to this guy about what was going on. He explained that Bogart's held shows all the time, and every time they did three of the Cincinnati towing companies got together and towed any car that was anywhere near the place and was illegally parked. Most nights they got 50-75 cars, but "tonight must have been someone good - we got over 100."

$80 a car X 100 cars. $8000 going to a bunch of dickheads who took advantage of urban Cincinnati's lack of available parking.

After a good half hour's wait Jayne returned with the cash and we hit the road.

We dumped him and grabbed Amanda around 2:30 AM, and made it home around 5.

I went in to work at 9AM, with about 3 hours of sleep.

It was all worth it.

The Best Phone Call In A Long Time

2005-06-02T18:16:00.000-05:00

Occasionally at work I get the world's most awesome phone calls. Here is one of them, exactly as it was received:

Me: Geek Squad, this is Brandon.

Customer: I need service on my TV, we had a new line run after the storm and now our VHS tuner is out.

Me: Okay, what size is the TV?

Customer: It's an RCA.

Me:...Okay, how large is it?

Customer: It's a standard size.

Me:...Is it 25 inches or larger? Because if it is we can send someone out, otherwise you'll need to bring it in.

Customer: I don't know.

Me:...Could you measure it real quick?

Customer: You're going to have to speak to my husband about this.

Could I Have Done It Better?

2005-05-22T19:54:00.000-05:00

There have been a lot of people who were surprised at my complete and utter disdain for Episode III. I've heard very few people actually say that they loved it though - most reactions are more like eh, it was okay. I've been thinking a lot about what I would have done differently. Here it is -

Episode One (Search For The Chosen) begins with a teenaged Anakin Skywalker winning a pod race for his employer, his brother-in-law Owen, on Tattooine. This would be a great high-energy sequence to start the series off with - the pod race is really the one bright spot in Lucas' Episode I. Shortly after this race Obi-Wan and Mace Windu show up and begin stealthing their way around the planet, looking for Anakin. At this time Darth Maul also shows up, doing the same thing. You see, there's this prophecy about a Jedi coming to bring balance to the force. Same prophecy from the Lucas trilogy, but the difference here is that the Jedi Council, and assumedly all the Jedi, believe it with all their being. The problem with the Jedi being divided over the legitimacy of this prophecy is that there's no emotional resonance when it turns out that their interpretation of it is wrong. Lucas barely touched on this in Episode III, and it might as well have not been there. In my Episode One, everyone believes it, but no one knows who it is. There are dozens of two-Jedi teams combing the galaxy looking for potential candidates. Also replacing Qui-Gon with Mace Windu is very important - I didn't care for the Qui-Gon character at all, and Sam Jackson didn't have nearly enough to do in the three movies put together. Make him Obi-Wan's trainer and give him as much screen time as possible, because he's the man. This inevitably leads to the first fight between Darth Maul and Mace Windu, where Windu is happy to get away from the Sith master with his life. Lucas, in my opinion, made a huge mistake with Darth Maul. He was one of the coolest characters in the prequels and he was completely wasted. People love Darth Vader because he was a badass. Maul was also a badass, and him dying in Episode I was ridiculous. He should have been carried over to the end of Episode Two, as I shall explain.

So, despite Owen's objections, Anakin goes off with the Jedi, hoping against hope to be the chosen one. Their small craft meets up with a larger ship, captained by one Bail Orgaana, where Anakin meets some of the other candidates. One of these candidates is a young girl named Padme, to whom Anakin finds immediate attraction. There's tons of potential for really cool stuff on this ship. This would be a great place to bring in Yoda, who could be one of the masters out looking for chosen ones. By the end of the movie there should be about a half dozen candidates, and they would have to make their way to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant to begin their training. You would also introduce Palpatine, and find a way to get across that he is keenly interested in the results of the search. Throughout the movie you also plant seeds that this a difficult time for the Republic, with a certain group of terrorists causing problems in one area of the galaxy. They don't have the numbers to be a real power, but they cause major headaches in their part of the sky. The movie would show some Jedi training, some Chosen One testing, and the beginnings of the Anakin/Padme relationship. The movie would end with the couple sharing their first kiss then being called to an emergency meeting of all Jedi at the temple. They would be told that the terrorists have launched a large scale attack on several systems at the same time. It would be revealed that they have begun to use a technology that has been strictly forbidden in the past - cloning. "It is a dark day for the Republic, and the start of dark times. We have a great mission ahead of us." Fade to black.

Episode Two (The Clone Wars) would be about, no shock here, the war itself. For twenty-plus years geeks such as myself have been wanting to see some serious badass galactic scale warfare, and I was personally disappointed with Lucas' vision of such. This movie needs to be about the effects that a highly trained special forces unit can have on a war. The unit focused on would, of course, contain both Anakin and Padme, and probably be commanded by Obi-Wan. Mainly because he is the logical choice but also because Ewen McGregor is awesome, and really channelled the spirit of Alec Guiness in the prequels. Throughout this movie you begin to plant and sow the seeds of Anakin's transformtion. He's an incredible pilot, but he is also brutal and vicious, far more so than necessary. He and Padme continue to have a relationship, but he's way more into her than she is to him. He thinks that they have a perfect love that could last forever, and she's more interested in finding a way to get out of the relationship without him snapping. Toward the end of the movie (after much kick-ass fighting, including an incredible bout between Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul that ends with Maul getting killed and Anakin losing a hand) Padme tells Anakin that she wants out and he flips, goes on a rampage, tearing shit up, breaking shit and stopping himself just short of attempting to inflict physical pain on her as well (she's also a Jedi in training, remember). He storms off and she breaks down. During this movie you would continue building up Palpatine as the major badass, and there would have to be a scene where he finds out that Maul is dead and he's almost happy about it. He would see it as better than having to take him out by himself, as he's discovered who the Chosen One is and wants him for his second instead of Maul anyway. You would also feature the now General Orgaana leading some decisive battles in the First Clone War. You would throw in C3PO and R2D2 somewhere, already a team - those two are always together. Maybe throw in a young Chewbacca, who knows. Yoda and Mace would also discover that it's Palpatine behind the Clone Wars and that he is planning to use the conflict as an excuse to continue to increase his power to the end of becoming Emperor. Episode Two ends with a decisive Republic win and the end of the First Clone War. The last shot is Padme sitting alone in a medical examination area, with a med-droid hovering next to her. "Congratulations, madam, it appears to be twins." Fade to black.

Episode Three (Fall of the Jedi) would be absolutely jam-packed with action. It would cover approximately six months (from the moment Padme finds out she's pregnant with twins to shortly after when she gives birth) and would feature Palpatine turning Anakin to the Dark Side of the Force in the beginning of the movie. He would use much of the same argument regarding Jedi plotting and whatnot that is in Lucas' Episode III. He would play up Anakin's loss of Padme in Episode Two and use that as well. He would get Anakin believing that everything is due to the ridiculous imbalance in the Force because there are so many more Jedi than Sith. You see, Palpatine know what the prophecy really means - Anakin's going to kill all but two Jedi. There aren't a whole lot of them left anyway, maybe a couple hundred. The First Clone War was horrific for the Jedi - the clones simply overwhelmed them with numbers. Palpatine even gets the hurt and confused Anakin to believe that he could use the powers of the Dark Side to make Padme love him again.

Shortly after this, a new Sith Master appears, Darth Vader. No one knows where he came from, but he is an incredibly powerful force. He begins systematically killing Jedi at every opportunity. The suit is the same, but in the beginning it's not a necessity. Remember, Obi-Wan tells us that at first Darth Vader was mostly human, but over time he replaced body parts and became more man than machine. Also causing problems for the Jedi is another Clone War, this one not as large as the previous but still requiring massive efforts on the part of the Republic to deal with. By now General Orgaana has gotten into the Galactic Senate and is actively trying to keep Palpatine in check using his war-hero political credit. Meanwhile, when he's not in the Darth Vader gear, Anakin keeps showing up when Padme least expects it, telling her that soon they can be together and be happy, etc. Padme gets a feeling of evil, Dark Sided badness coming off him and goes to the Jedi Council with her suspicions. Several of them go hunting Anakin and he uses his Dark Side powers and his general bad-assedness to kill Mace Windu and lots of others. Everyone knows that Anakin is Vader now, and the remaining Jedi are on the lookout for him. Palpatine chooses this moment to go on the all-out offensive, bringing forth evidence that the Jedi were responsible for both Clone Wars and making all Jedi outlaws. He also completes his engineering and uses his moment of political triumph to get coronated as the first Emperor. Anakin and Padme have a very strong bond, Forcewise. Just as she knew that something was wrong with him, he knew that something was wrong with her. After a chance encounter with her he realizes that she is pregnant, and tells her that she will have to stay with him, he's going to protect their babies, etc. etc. They end up having a fight, lightsabers and all. He holds back, not wanting to hurt her or, now more important to him the babies. She's unable to really hurt him, being nearly full-term pregnant with twins. In the end Obi-Wan breaks in and he and Anakin go at it, with Obi-Wan nearly killing Anakin and leaving him for dead, making it necessary for Anakin to remain in the Vader suit permanently from then on.

Obi-Wan, Yoda and Senator Orgaana take Padme away to have the children, but she knows that the children will never be safe now that Anakin knows about them. She also knows that due to their unusually strong bond he knows when things are happening to her. She decides, unbeknownst to the others on the ship, to make the ultimate sacrifice to keep her children safe. Immediately following their birth she reaches out with the Force and "touches" Anakin, then kills herself. Anakin is paralyzed with grief, overwhelmed with emotion, and never manages to make any kind of Force contact with the infants, believing them to have died with Padme. The movie ends with first Yoda installing Leia with the Orgaanas on Alderaan, then Obi-Wan taking Luke to the Lars on Tattooine. The last shot is of a stoic Obi-Wan, as he raises the cowl over his head and walks off into the binary sunset.

I personally think that this trilogy would have kicked ass. The main difference for me is that it tells a coherent story of a limited number of people, just like the original trilogy did. It eliminates the main problem with Lucas' prequels, which is huge chunks of exposition about things we don't care about, like the Trade Federation. It removes some of the more ridiculous parts of those movies while keeping true to the spirit of the originals. That's the real crime - that these prequel movies don't "feel" like Star Wars to me.

Unable To Meet My Meager Expectations

2005-05-19T02:59:00.000-05:00

Just returned from seeing Lucas' latest attempt to destroy my childhood. Revenge of the Sith is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I sat through the entire movie waiting for it to get good. I found the acting to be simply awful. Christopher Lee was wasted entirely. Natalie Portman appeared to be in physical pain from speaking the dialogue. Jimmy Smits phoned it in. Hayden Christianson delivered his same three facial expressions. Chewbacca is on the screen for maybe a minute total, and contributes nothing to the film. General Grievous is the worst CGI character yet - totally ridiculous, obviously written in for the express purpose of being killed.

It was as though Lucas felt a desire from the fan base for this movie to be dark, and simply did everything he could to make it so. There are scenes in this movie that I felt were reprehensible.

There is no dramatic tension in this movie. How could there be? The main plot points were given away more than 25 years ago. Padme gets pregnant and dies in childbirth. No surprise there. Obi-Wan fucks up Anakin in the worst lightsaber duel of all six movies. Yup, saw it coming. Actually, when I was 5 I heard Obi-Wan tell Darth Vader that he had been no match for him in the past. Their duel is terrible - so poorly lit and with the film cutting so quickly you can barely tell what's happening.

George Lucas should have done the wise thing years ago - stuck to his word and never made any more Star Wars movies. He's destroyed his own legacy - these new movies combined with his revisionist, soul-leeching edits of the original films have ensured that his work will be loved by my generation alone, and quickly forgotten by my children.

Feet On The Seat

2005-05-08T18:35:00.000-05:00

The memories I have of my dad are pretty disjointed. He died when I was twelve, so it's been about sixteen and a half years now. Every now and then I'll get one of these little flashbacks and remember something about him.

Tonight, as we were driving to The Olive Garden for Mother's Day dinner, I got one of those flashes. I could feel Jane's little feet pressing into my back.

My dad was fanatical about that. You never wanted to sit behind him in the car because, whether or not your feet were really on the seat, he could feel them there.

"Feet on the seat!" he would yell. And you had better get your feet down. Unless, of course, you're between the ages of five and ten and you think it's pretty funny to get old dad going. You could get him to yell three or four times before he got really serious. I have no idea why it bugged him so much, but it sure did.

Screw The 500

2005-05-06T18:50:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of the RS 500 posts. They feel like work. Screw it, I'm done with them.

One Thumb Up, One Thumb Down

2005-05-06T18:44:00.000-05:00

Two new albums coming out, which you may or may not be interested in.

One is With Teeth, the new album from Nine Inch Nails. They used to be huge for me, and I was gonna write a review explaining just how disappointed I was with the new stuff, when I found this totally appropriate review. Enjoy.

The other comes out next week, and is the new Weezer album. This thing is truly excellent. I've listened to it multiple times the last couple of weeks and I love it, which is a nice reversal from '94, when I wouldn't have bothered to make the time for Weezer. If you've heard the single Beverly Hills, and you're not crazy about it, don't worry. The rest of the album is way better. Definitely recommended.

Just A Nice Moment

2005-05-06T18:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon - about 4:30. I'd just smoked my Latin American History final, writing an excellent essay on Castro's Cuba. The sun was shining, I was walking outside, and the Dark Star from 9/10/91 was playing on the iPod. That's one of the shows where Branford Marsalis sat in, and it is awesome.

School's now done for the summer, and I'm on vacation for a week. Ah, it feels so nice.

Sammy, We Hardly Knew Ye

2005-04-29T17:52:00.000-05:00

I am a big lover of stand-up comedy. Unfortunately, I haven't had too many opportunities to actually see any live. Sadder still, I never had any chance to see my favorite stand-up of all time - Sam Kinison. April 10th marked the 13th anniversary of Sammy's death. I don't know if it was actual irony or the Alanis kind, but Sammy had finally cleaned up, gotten off drugs and alcohol and gotten into a healthy relationship with his second wife whom he had married only a week prior when he was killed by a drunk driver.

I first heard Sammy when I was 12 or 13. My cousin Michael liked to try and do anything that would shock his parents, and when he was 16 that was listening to Sam Kinison. And when that didn't bother them, he thought that perhaps letting me listen to it would get to them. I don't think they even noticed. I certainly did.

I listened to Sammy in high school some, and more in college, especially after I started rooming with BJ. Some of the stuff Sammy threw out would kill me every time - Robopope? The Gay Terminator? Everything about the Gulf War? It was awesome. I still love it. There were parts I simply couldn't believe though. Some of the stuff he said about women just seemed so out of line. I mean, girls telling you about their former boyfriends just to fuck with you? I'd never dated a girl like that, and I hoped I never would.

The following is an exact conversation I had with one of my ex-girlfriends:

Her: Steve has the biggest dick I have ever seen.

Me: What! Don't tell me that! I have to see Steve every day!

Her: I mean, I could barely get my mouth around it.

I should have never doubted Sammy.

Been A Long Time Coming

2005-04-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

So it's been a while since my last post. Lot's of stuff going on in real life and, to be honest, this started to feel just a bit like work. I decided to take a break.

But now I'm back. My first semester in seven years is just about over, with two exams left next week. Neither is comprehensive, so I'm not worried a bit. I'm looking forward to next semester quite a bit - History of Rock & Roll should be awesome.

It's been ages since I've wrote - you'll pardon me if there's a ton of stuff in the next few days.

I Was A Teenage Movie Star

2005-04-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that I am not currently sought after by multiple major movie studios. Directors should be calling me day and night, agents should be begging me for the opportunity to pimp me out. You see, I was a featured player in a film called Suicide Kings. No, not the real one, the one that starred Christopher Walken and Denis Leary. I was "the mob boss" in the Purdue Film Club's production of a movie of the same name. I can't really comment on the quality of the movie, as I could never stand to watch the entire thing. I will never forget the day we shot, however.

It was October 22nd, 1995. There are a couple of reasons I can't forget that date. It was a Sunday, and the previous evening I had finally given Heather her engagement ring. I'd been saving up for the ring for quite a while (Burger King only paid so well, you must understand) and we went down to Indianapolis and had a nice dinner and I gave her the ring. It was a great night. I really didn't want to get up the next morning. I only had so many Sundays off from work and I really didn't want to waste one. But I had committed to be in it, and Heather said I had to. It was being directed by this guy from my dorm named Doug. No one actually called him Doug, though - we called him The Gimp.

The Gimp had also written the movie and he was taking it very seriously. I had to be at some guy's house at 8AM. I got there and the first thing I saw was the morning paper's headline "Shannon Hoon, Dead At 28." That put me in an incredibly bad mood. I didn't know the guy - I hadn't grown up here or anything, but I loved the music.

So I wanted to be with my girl, and I wanted to mope around all day and listen to Blind Melon. I didn't want to be shooting this ridiculous crap. But that's what I had to do.

And it took all fucking day.

I had nothing to do most of the day. I stood around and waited while the two main characters did their scenes. Then, finally, sometime deep in the afternoon we got to my scene. It was one of two - the other wouldn't be shot for another couple of months. The scene we shot that October day was the scene where the two young bucks kill the mob boss, me. It took about 2 hours to film them shooting me and me laying on the ground, chocolate sauce smeared on my face to mimic blood. The only real excitement was when someone called the police, reporting a shooting. Apparently they had seen the prop guns and me laying there in downtown Lafayette and freaked. That was interesting. But that was about it. We finally finished and I got to go home.

We did my other scene in February, just me and Doug in somebody's office that we broke into. Some time later he gave me a copy of the finished product, and I promptly taped over it with something more intellectually stimulating, like pro wrestling.

Lightweights

2005-04-05T10:46:00.000-05:00

This just came up as one of the highlighted blogs.

These two have nothing on BJ & I - wait till I blog 4700 miles (from Miami to Anchorage) in June.

That will be something.

That First Drag

2005-04-05T10:43:00.000-05:00

(I wrote this a few years ago. I still like it.)

It's amazing the power that smells and tastes can have. I had my first cigarette in ages tonight - the first drag on that first cigarette brought back a rush of memories that I simply couldn't believe. Emotions welled inside me and I remembered a simpler time - when I had no responsibility and could expect to spend most of my evenings sitting in a coffee shop or the back room of a pizza parlor smoking one Marlboro Menthol Light after another. Relaxing with my friends, trying to find a girl to latch on to. I see faces and places in my mind that my eyes will never see again. Part of me hates that time moves inexorably on - and part of me is glad every day that those times are gone. Balancing those two parts of yourself is the key to happiness. I've never been addicted to cigarettes - I picked them up one day because all my friends smoked and I put them down one day because the girl I loved didn't like it. It's always been that easy for me. Every now and then, though, it's good to buy a pack and relive the old days and remind yourself why you left them behind.

Sexual Politics and the Modern Professor

2005-04-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

Purdue's campus is, like most I'm sure, extremely casual. Half the people in my 7:30 class arrive in their pj's. The girl that sits next to me is no exception. This morning was a little different, however. This morning her hair was done, her makeup was perfect, and she was wearing tight fitting clothes and a low-cut top. I didn't think much of it, it is interviewing season after all.

At the end of the class everything became clear. Immediately following the lecture she picked up her last exam and went to talk to the TA. She bent over and said, "Could we talk about my test now?" The TA stammered a bit and said, "Sure." They went to the lectern to talk to the Professor. It seems that she had failed to answer the final portion of the essay, and thus lost 6 of the possible 25 points on the exam. But she's an A student, ya know? And is there any possible way she could do anything to make it up?

The prof came through it okay, smiling, explaining that he was leaving immediately following the lecture and that based on her prior performance they could work something out when he came back. She came back to grab her bag with this huge smirk on her face. I'll admit, I was a little jealous - I'm a good-looking guy - why aren't any of my professors ever gay?

467

2005-03-29T14:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome To The Jungle, Guns N' Roses.

Ah, Guns N' Roses. Once upon a time these men were gods walking the earth. Now they have scattered to the four winds in an explosion of crap. I find this particular song only decent - I think it's place here in the bottom 10% is perfectly apt.

I used to think Axl Rose was a genius. Sad to think that this spoiled child gets to continue breathing and fucking up his legacy while Lafayette's other famous son dies young.

468

2005-03-29T13:58:00.000-05:00

Search and Destroy, The Stooges.

Let me make this abundantly clear. I don't like most punk. I don't like this. It's not as bad as The Sex Pistols, but it's not something I would listen to given a choice. Iggy Pop was in my all-time favorite Tales From The Crypt Episode, but that's about all I can say for the guy.

Take The Short Cut

2005-03-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

I love movies. Always have. I have mentioned this before. I don't just love the popular mainstream stuff, although I do have a deep affection for classics of the genre. I also love indie movies, and I have ever since I was in high school.

One of the first indie films I can remember seeing was Short Cuts. I know I saw it in the theater when it was originally released, so sometime in 1993. This may have been the first really non-mainstream movie I saw. Why did I go see it? I'm not 100% sure, but if I had to guess I would bet that I read a review which mentioned the film's full-frontal nudity. Please don't act shocked - I was 16.

I don't recall what I expected, but I was completely amazed by this movie. It doesn't have any real plot - it's just about the lives of a bunch of different people, most of whom don't know each other. It tells the stories of their everyday lives and how the smallest things that we do can have a large impact on someone else. It is amazing.

And packed with stars. Check this cast - Andie McDowell, Jack Lemmon, Julianne Moore, Matthew Modine, Lily Tomlin, Tom Waits, Lyle Lovett, Frances McDormand, Peter Gallagher, Madeline Stowe, Tim Robbins, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Chris Penn, Lili Taylor and Robert Downey, Jr. (before he was a crack-crazed maniac). There's gotta be somebody you like in that cast.

One of the neatest things for me about this movie is that it is based on eight short stories and a poem by Raymond Carver, all kind of weaved together and transplanted from Oregon to LA. It is a fascinating movie to watch.

It is a testament to the absolutely absymal state of my social skills circa high school that I showed this movie to a roomful of my friends. It never occurred to me that the few female friends I had might be terribly uncomfortable seeing a fully nude Julianne Moore or the cameo appearance by Huey Lewis' wiener. Of course I had no idea how uncomfortable I could be sitting in the same room as those girls during those scenes. I simply couldn't believe that my friends would rather do just about anything else than sit and watch a character based movie for more than three hours. A few people said they liked it, but most thought the lack of plot was decidely a bad thing. I didn't have too many more movie nights during high school.

After years of being available only on VHS, the gods of the DVD special edition, Criterion, have graced us with an incredible release of this movie. In addition to commentaries and cast interviews and features on the movie (not to mention the movie itself) you get a book containing all the material that director Robert Altman based the movie on. I loved finally being able to read these stories.

I highly recommend this movie - check it out if you at all have the chance.

Inherit The Wind, Inherit The Earth

2005-03-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

I have been a huge fan of live theater ever since I was very young. I can remember my mom taking me to see a production of Agatha Christie's 10 Little Indians. I have no idea how old I was, but I know it couldn't have been more than about eight. Great play for an eight year old, by the way - a bunch of people on an island that all get murdered one by one? Rock on mom. I know that my first appearance on stage was when I was in the second grade. We did some play about a family of birds for all the kids in the school. I was papa bird. I remember having to wear this awesome bird costume, and that the set was a giant nest. I don't have too many memories of the actual show, but my parents said I was great - who can you trust if not your own parents?

In eighth grade we did a show called Ducktails and Bobbysox. It was an awful show that was some grade-z Happy Days derivative. I played the nerd. Not much of a stretch. But it was an awful lot of fun.

High school brought many more opportunities to be involved with the theater, and I got involved as quickly as I could. My freshman year I didn't get an opportunity to audition. Our main show was Steel Magnolias, which while excellent contains no male parts. I wasn't interested in being in the musical or the kid's show, so I spent the entire year in various crews.

Sophomore year was a different story. The main show was Inherit The Wind. In my history class tonight, Professor Roberts used the Scopes Monkey trial on which the play is based as an example of the changing cultural values in the 1920's. After the lecture he showed about ten minutes of the film version. I haven't seen the entire film, but if what he showed tonight is indicative of the whole movie, it's one to catch. It stars Spencer Tracy and a horde of other famous people. If you don't know the story here's the history on which the play and movie are based: In Tennessee in the '20s a man named John Scopes was told he couldn't teach evolution. He was convinced to continue teaching the subject in order to get himself arrested and force a trial on the matter. Scopes' lawyer was the famous Clarence Darrow (Spencer Tracy in the film) and the key witness for the prosecution was William Jennings Bryan, a three time runner up for President of the United States and all around bible thumper. (If you see the movie or the play none of the real names are used - don't be surprised when they talk about Henry Drummond and Matthew Harrison Brady instead of Darrow and Bryan).

I got a part in the play. Two parts, actually. In the first act I was some teenage kid who ran on stage and had two lines about Bryan/Brady coming to town. My acting talent must not have been fully developed at that point (or, more likely, the director was merely unable to recognize my genius) as one of my lines was taken away and given to an eight year old. This was hard to take at the time, but my hurt feelings were assuaged by the fact that I had a second part in the production - Old Juror. I may have had some lines in the second half, I don't really remember. The important thing about being Old Juror was that I had a great seat on stage from which to see a true talent.

Chris Wolk was a senior, and he was the guy I most wanted to be. He had one of the leads in the show - it's hard for me to remember exactly now that it's been 13 years, but I'm pretty sure he was Drummond, the Darrow character. To my sophomore self it seemed as though Chris had everything. He was popular with everyone, a good athlete, good looking and incredibly talented on stage. It gave me chills to see him perform - very literally. He had such incredible emotion it was like he set the stage on fire. When he really got into the role and was doing one of the incredible monologues his character had he seemed like he was ten feet tall and invincible. Chris Wolk was my idol. I wanted to be him, but I would have settled for even being one of his friends. I didn't get a chance to be his friend though - he was a senior and I was an incredibly shy sophomore. I barely spoke to Chris - could barely speak when in his presence, I looked up to him that much.

After high school Chris went on to Marquette University and studied theater. He got his degree and moved to New York City, where he was a waiter by day and a struggling actor by night. If life was fair, next you would read about how Chris worked hard and got bit parts then moved into leads and then managed to jump into the movies. Or, as I always thought most likely, that he had joined the cast of Saturday Night Live. But that isn't the way things work.

Quoted from the National Park Service Morning Report, August 10th 2000:

00-467 – Glacier NP (MT) – Death of Concession Employee

Concession employee Christopher Wolk, 26, of Astoria, New York, died yesterday morning as a result of massive head trauma sustained in an accident that occurred late on the afternoon of Tuesday, August 8th. Wolk was swimming with other concession employees just below a waterfall in Swiftcurrent Creek when a 20-pound rock fell about 50 feet and struck him in the head. Rangers were notified by other swimmers and responded quickly. They had to employ technical climbing methods to reach Wolk and raise him from the creek. He was then flown by air ambulance to a hospital in Great Falls, where he succumbed to his injuries.

I never saw Chris again after he graduated. He is one of the few people that I have cried for in my entire life. Goddamnit, I'm crying right now.

469

2005-03-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

It's Too Late, Carole King

Oh, Carole King. This is music I like. King started her career writing songs for girl groups and pop acts and in the seventies she really came into her own when she released Tapestry, her classic album. The album is fantastic from beginning to end. And this song is just heart-breaking.

I've seen King live, but not singing her own stuff. I saw her in the Broadway revival of Blood Brothers, a British musical. She was awesome, really blew everyone in my group away. At that point I hadn't really paid attention to her music, but after that I was a fan.

If you don't have Tapestry, you need it. Especially if you've ever been through a bad breakup.

470

2005-03-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Free Man In Paris, Joni Mitchell

Joni Mitchell has always been an artist that I've felt I should like more than I do. I don't dislike her music or her voice or anything, it just doesn't do much for me. This song is okay too, but it wouldn't be something I go out of my way to listen to.

Nothing Like Not Having Your Computer To Slow Down Your Blogging

2005-03-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

Very shortly after my last update, my computer had to be sent to service. Here's why:

In our computer room, there is a switched outlet which my laptop is plugged into whenever it's in the room. There's no light connected to the switch, so the switch stays in the on position all the time. On the day in question, Jane had come to see me. On her way out of the room, she reached for the switch while saying, "Why don't we ever turn this off?"

As I saw her reach, I said, "Jane, don't!"

She heard me, but registered it just a little too late. So she flipped the switch down and then immediately back up. This created what we call a power surge. Following said surge, the laptop no longer realized it was plugged into the wall, and would run off battery only.

So I sent it in. It's not back yet. I'm typing this on Heather's laptop. I certainly could have used it at any time, but I have a hard time typing on it. It's not like the keys are in different places or anything, but the action on them is a little different. I have to press the keys just a little longer to get them to register. This means I keep missing letters and have to go back and fix the mistakes. I don't mean every now and then either. I'm talking ten times a sentence. So if there are fewer updates than usual, it's just because I'm waiting on my computer to return.

Sebastian Bach Is My Idol

2005-03-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that I have been a fan of Sebastian Bach for quite some time. 18 & Life? Great song - one of the best videos ever. I Remember You? Fucking rock on Sebastian.

He's been out of the spotlight for a while. Skid Row breathed their last gasp about the time that Nevermind hit the top of the charts. But he's been working. Last year he showed up on Gilmore Girls, one of the most consistently funny and well-written shows on TV, as Lane's middle-aged but still hard-rocking bandmate. If you don't watch Gilmore Girls, you should - and if the premise of being about girls bothers you, just remember that they're hot girls. Plus now it has the Bachmeister himself on a semi-regular basis.

He's also done Broadway musicals in the last few years, including some leading roles. The man played JC in JC Superstar. How awesome would it have been to see that?

He (and his wife) are also the subject of a show currently on VH1 - I Married Sebastian Bach. Now, I am not a naive person. I understand that when VH1 is making a mini-documentary on your marriage that it just isn't that hard to make yourself look good. But don't try to burst my bubble - watching this made me happy dammit.

Sebastian has been married to his wife Maria for 13 years now. They were dating before he was anything, and she got pregnant before he was anything, and he proposed before he was anything, and she turned him down. She wanted him to have a chance to go out with his band without having to feel tied down by having a family. So he went out and made it big, and in '92 he went back home and married her. And since then they've been very happily married and had another kid together.

Perhaps the best part of the show was the depiction of Sebastian's new band. Make no mistake, these guys aren't cutting an album any time soon. Sebastian himself says that he just wants to play music and have a good time. He has a studio/practice space in his home, though, and his bandmates all have chores. And I don't mean making sure to put the amps away when they're done - I mean like washing the dishes and taking out the trash. That's awesome.

471

2005-03-08T23:00:00.000-05:00

On The Road Again, Willie Nelson.

I will now tell you something that will make you insanely jealous. I have seen Willie Nelson, and I have seen him play this song. And it was the only cool thing in an entire day of suck. Let me paint the picture for you - I'm fifteen years old, and we are visiting my Grampa in southern Illinois. Nothing unusual about that, we only lived an hour away so we visited quite frequently. This particular visit didn't end at Grampa's though - that was just the beginning. My mother had gotten it into her head that Grampa would like to see a rodeo, and that she should also take every single living member of my family to this rodeo so that we could experience it with Grampa. Cause it could be Grampa's last rodeo, you know? And you would want that memory to last with you the rest of your life, right?

(My mother has firmly believed that Grampa has had one foot in the grave for as long as I can remember. This trip to the rodeo was over thirteen years ago, and Gramps is still going strong.)

So now the entire clan is headed to Missouri to see this incredible rodeo, at which Willie Nelson himself will play. I'll admit, I was mildly interested. Not in the rodeo, of course, I knew that would be total crap - but I liked music. And Willie played music. It was country, but I was willing to make that sacrifice if it could possibly make the day worth getting through.

I remember very little about the rodeo itself. I remember a long ass car ride to get there, something like four hours.

I know that there are people who make there living riding bulls and to whom it is a very important thing, but I am not one of them. I sat in the bleachers with my little shit-headed cousins and cheered on the bulls, practically begging god to let me see a good goring.

That was not to be - everyone made it through the day unpunctured. And finally, at way too late for almost anyone to care, long past when anyone who could pass for 21 was drunk off their ass - Willie took the stage. He played a few tunes, then he went into On The Road Again. The whole crowd sang along, and then the show was over. I hate to say it, but I wasn't terribly impressed. Now that I'm older I understand - the man was playing every damn venue he could to get the world's biggest crooks off his back.

This is a great song. Everyone knows it. If you've never heard it, you probably live under a rock.

472

2005-03-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

Where Did Our Love Go, The Supremes.

I firmly believe that on no other song in her career did Diana Ross sing so well. She sounds simply beautiful here. It's a sweet little tune about love falling apart. Only with a sixties girl group could those words actually go together and make sense. But you know what I mean - the song just sounds so sweet and perfect, but it's about a passionate love dying.

Some Call It Grade School, I Call It A Breeding Ground For Infectious Disease

2005-03-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

Here's a little breakdown of how life has been going the past couple of weeks. Saturday, February 26th, Lucy gets sick - she has a head cold. This means that on Sunday, February 27th Jane has a head cold. And then on Monday February 28th Heather has a head cold. You can probably see where this is going can't you?

That's right - Tuesday March 1st means Brandon has a head cold. It stuck around until about Friday and wasn't much fun for anyone. I got it last, so I was done with it last.

But this hideous story isn't over yet.

Saturday, March 5th, 2:30 AM. I am awakened by Lucy telling me that she has thrown up on her floor. She also has a fever. This means that our planned Saturday trip to Chicago is now off. We hang out around the house and wish we were fighting weekend traffic to get Jane's bunkbeds from the modern day suburban mecca. Having recently lived through the head cold roulette, I knew it was only time before the vomiting began again.

This time I was the lucky winner, starting my descent into hell around 5PM Sunday. Whatever the kid had must have mutated before it got to me though - this kicked my ass. I will spare the gory details - let me just say that I called into work on Monday - something I haven't done in over four years. I wasn't alone on Monday though (that might have allowed me to get some rest) - yep, both Heather and Jane had started doing the technicolor yawn. Thankfully it seems to be a short-lived bug, as it is now Tuesday night and everyone is feeling much better.

I blame the schools for this. If there was any other way to get my kids educated in the hope that someday they will be millionaires and pay for my retirement, I'd take it. Who am I kidding? Education doesn't breed millionaires. Maybe they can go into athletics.

Knock Knock Jokes With Jane

2005-02-26T09:34:00.000-05:00

Today's knock knock jokes are brought to you by the lamest Kid's Meal prize ever - the knock knock door. It's too retarded to describe, suffice it to say that it comes with knock knock jokes. Jane got it yesterday at Arbys and wanted me to tell her the jokes. Reproduced here are the actual responses.

Joke #1 -

Me: Knock knock.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Who.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Who.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Who!

Jane: Who's there?

Me: No baby, now you say who who.

Jane: Who who.

Me: Is there an owl in here?

Jane: That's not a very funny joke.

Joke #2 -

Me: Knock knock.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Ketchup.

Jane: Ketchup who?

Me: Ketchup to me, you're too slow.

Jane: (giggling wildly) That's funny.

Joke #3 -

Me: Knock knock.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Cargo.

Jane: Cargo who?

Me: Cargo beep beep.

Jane: Yeah it does. (no laughter)

Joke #4 -

Me: Knock knock.

Jane: Who's there?

Me: Lettuce.

Jane: Lettuce who?

Me: Lettuce in and you will find out.

Jane: What?

I Have Found The Videos

2005-02-26T09:25:00.000-05:00

Apparently, MTV had to make a whole new channel to show videos since their first channel is filled with lame "reality" shows like Strange Love and True Life: I'm An Anorexic Alcoholic Cheerleader With Breast Implants.

So that's where MTV2 comes in. We just had more channels added to our cable package - I was flipping through this morning and stopped when I saw a video. From the massive number 5 in the upper left corner I've deduced that this is some kind of a countdown show. I haven't seen a video countdown in years.

Coming in at #5 with a bullet is Ludacris' Get Back. I'm not much for the hip hop, that's for the kids, but this is a pretty good song. Ludacris wears these massive fake arms and beats up people who try and get his attention and have a conversation with him. I understand that famous people have to deal with their fans - I think Ludacris' fantasy of kicking their collective ass is probably the most honest response from a celebrity I've ever seen.

Oh - this is the Hip Hop Countdown. I was going to blog the top five, but I'm not going to bother.

473

2005-02-23T22:33:00.000-05:00

Do Right Woman -- Do Right Man, Aretha Franklin

This song doesn't really do much for me. It's okay and Aretha has a beautiful voice, but I had never heard this song before, and it really didn't make much of an impact on me.

All IHopped Up

2005-02-23T22:30:00.000-05:00

The girls and I had dinner at the new IHOP tonight. This may seem like not much of a big deal to you, but, and you might not believe this, there's a story to go with it.

When I was younger and my dad was sick, he spent a lot of time in Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville. There were a few times my Mom would take me to visit him, and whenever we would go together we would eat at the IHOP down the street. Of course then it was actually called The International House Of Pancakes. Seems way more regal than IHOP.

Not much of a story, but like any memory with emotional content attached, it's one that comes back very quickly.

474

2005-02-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

One Nation Under A Groove, by Funkadelic

I have long been a fan of George Clinton. The man does whatever the hell he wants, and makes some great music along the way. I've actually seen him play live, on a broiling hot afternoon at Lollapalooza '94. He and his crew did their best, but the afternoon is not the time of the Atomic Dog.

A mutual love of the George is about all I had in common with my freshman year roommate at Purdue. Mike was a former football player, a 23 year old fifth year senior in Industrial Management and black. I was a former theatre rat, a 17 year old freshman in Creative Writing and most definitely white. What in the world made the dorm people think we were a good fit I have no idea.

We had zero in common at first, then one day we somehow figured out that we both liked George Clinton. We still had virtually nothing in common, but at least there was music we could listen to together. Mike was a good guy, but kind of strange. He liked to watch Ricki Lake twice a day, even though it was exactly the same episode.

As for the song, it's awesome - do yourself a favor and listen to it. Everybody needs a little funkin sometime, baby.

475

2005-02-19T11:03:00.000-05:00

Sabotage, by the Beastie Boys.

The nicest thing I can say about the Beastie Boys is that they are consistently above average. I like this song, but the video is really what took it over the top. One of the best videos from the age of MTV's decline. Do teenaged kids watch videos anymore? We used to watch them for hours.

476

2005-02-19T10:59:00.000-05:00

I Want To Know What Love Is, by Foreigner.

For musical crimes against humanity, the group known as Foreigner shall spend no less than 12 million years at hard labor, while a medley of their "hits" such as this song and Urgent are played back at them constantly.

Please Be Patient, This Blog Is Currently Experiencing World Of Warcraft

2005-02-19T10:44:00.000-05:00

After months of peer pressure, I have succumbed to the life-draining force known as World Of Warcraft. I started playing Thursday night around 8, and not counting work and sleep that's basically all I've done since.

It sucks you in with an amazing rapidity. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a game so much that I've stopped noticing the passage of time.

Consequently, there hasn't been much to write about otherwise.

Testacular

2005-02-15T22:54:00.000-05:00

I had my first exams in seven years today. I'll admit, I was nervous going in to the first one this morning at 7:30. The good news is that I've really enjoyed the Latin American History class so far, and I had plenty of things to write about in my essay. I actually could have written a lot more, but I was running out of time so I had to wrap it up kind of early.

My American History exam wasn't bad either. There was no multiple choice section for me to quickly ace like I had on the Latin exam, so that was one strike against it. And the large essay that was 40% of the test was stupid. Identify and defend your choices for the five most important people, events or pieces of legislation from late 19th century America, and then do the same for five things you wouldn't choose as the most important. That's just a bad question - poorly written and, I would think, almost impossible to grade. If I get anything less than an A on this exam due to this question, I will be in my TA's office faster than you can say independent exam review board.

477

2005-02-15T22:45:00.000-05:00

Super Freak, by the late, great Rick James.

Sure, Rick James was a crazy, woman-torturing bastard. But this song is good, dammit. Like most of white America, I had no interest in Rick James other than this song until Dave Chappelle brought him to my attention last year. Apparently James was going to try re-starting his career following his new-found popularity when he ruined his plans by dying.

Everyone knows this song. Did it change my life? No. It came out in 1981 - I didn't even know what the hell it was about until years later. While there is certainly no evidence that this actually happened, I like to think that sometime in the early eighties when I was 5 or 6 I sang along to this song, maybe on a car trip somewhere, and caused my parents to nearly kill us all driving the car into oncoming traffic in their shock. Cause this song is infectious, and you just can't help singing along, bitches.

478

2005-02-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

White Rabbit, by Jefferson Airplane.

I got turned on to the Airplane in high school, by a classmate named Jennifer. At the time she had excellent taste in music (I have no reason to think that this has changed, but I haven't seen her in years) and was one of the first people who really got me to realize that music made before 1990 could be good too. Music that's more than twenty years old is a significant portion of what I really like now, so I probably have a lot to thank Jen for.

This song is a classic. If you listen to the song and you come away wondering what it's about, you are a moron. It's about drugs. It was written in San Francisco in 1967, for fuck's sake - yes, it's about drugs. I don't care how much you like to think of it as a re-telling of the classic tale of Alice In Wonderland set to psychedelic rock. It's about drugs.

As for Jennifer, she completed her bachelor's in three years and is now a lawyer. She's a lawyer and I write this - I think her secret may have been not trying the drugs this song is about.

479

2005-02-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

Lady Marmalade, by Labelle

Ugh. Disco. Me no likey. Me no likey new slutty Xtina version either.

480

2005-02-14T20:27:00.000-05:00

Into The Mystic, Van Morrison

Hearing this song for the first time a few weeks ago was like finding buried treasure. I wasn't too familiar with Morrison's work - Brown-Eyed Girl, of course, and Gloria to a lesser extent. But this song is simply fantastic. Astounding, understated guitarwork and Morrison's voice meld into a song of surprising beauty. The lyrics will stay with you, and the hornwork late in the song is also a nice touch. How this can be 480 and the Sex Pistols can have not one but two songs much higher on the list I simply cannot understand.

Based On The Book By...

2005-02-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

I have been a reader my entire life. I can't really remember a time when I couldn't read - one of my first really coherent memories is when I was five and woke up early one Saturday morning. I read some Star Wars comics and watched cartoons and for the life of me I don't know why I remember that so vividly.

When I was in high school I got into movies with the same voracity that I've always had for books. The Schnuck's grocery store had a small video rental section and by the time I was a senior they had lowered their prices for non-new releases - they were 2 for a dollar and I rented them six at a time. I watched all kinds of movies.

There are a great many movies that started life as great books. Many of the movies fall short of the books, but on rare occasion you find one that transcends the pages. I can think of four movies, total, that are better than the books they are based on.

Stand By Me, based on the short novel The Body by Stephen King. This movie is a masterpiece, and is in my top five desert island movies of all time. It features performances from four young actors that are incredible. If there was any justice these four men would all be major stars with their choice of projects. Of the four one is dead, one is a joke, one has mostly left acting to pursue writing, and the other has his good days and his not so good days. Rob Reiner made an incredible movie, and as much as I like the novella it's based on, the movie is where it's at for me.

Field Of Dreams, based on the novel Shoeless Joe by W.P. Kinsella. This is a great movie, and Kevin Costner is never better than in this film. Well, maybe as the corpse in The Big Chill, but that's a stretch. The story of a man's love of baseball and the love he didn't get from his father. Any man that doesn't get choked up by the end of this movie is a cold bastard. The book is good, but the movie is much, much better.

The Lord Of The Rings, based on the novels by J.R.R. Tolkien. I tried to read LOTR in high school and didn't make it more than thirty pages. I tried again in college and made it about seventy. And I loved to read, remember? I didn't manage to actually read the books until after the movie version of Fellowship came out. After then I had to read the books, because I couldn't wait two full years to find out what happened. Once I got into the books I loved them. There are some great things that were left in the books that didn't make it to the screen, but what was on the screen was incredible. I can watch those movies any time - but I will probably never make it through the books again.

High Fidelity, based on the novel by Nick Hornby. This one is all about Cusack. He helped to write and produce the film, and his performance as the completely imperfect main character/narrator is marvelous. I didn't read the novel until after I had seen the movie, and maybe that influenced my decision when I say that the movie is better. Hornby is also the author of About A Boy, which is an incredible book, far better than High Fidelity.

481

2005-02-13T20:36:00.000-05:00

Young Americans, David Bowie

David Bowie is an interesting person. He's neat in that he constantly reinvents himself both musically and stylistically. I remember seeing him in the late eighties/early nineties on Saturday Night Live with his band of the moment, Tin Machine. That was not one of his better incarnations. Then there was the whole Goblin King of Labyrinth - better than Tin Machine, but still kind of goofy.

And then there's songs like this that are just classic pop songs. This song is vintage Bowie and I can't get enough. I can, without even thinking hard, come up with at least a half dozen songs on this top 500 that are ranked higher but should be lower.

482

2005-02-13T20:34:00.000-05:00

I'm Eighteen, Alice Cooper

This song does nothing for me. The only thing that Alice Cooper has ever done that has interested me is Wayne's World. Other than that I think Cooper was one of the worst products of the 70's.

483

2005-02-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

Just Like Heaven, The Cure

I saw an interview with Robert Smith of The Cure when I was in high school. At that point I had never heard any of their music, and after seeing the interview vowed never to do so. Robert Smith was everything that is bad about English music - snooty, pasty-faced, semi-goth. He projected an air of being of so much better than poor John Norris who was forced to interview the living sludge. He didn't want to be there, and to Norris' credit he didn't want him there.

For years the only Cure song I knew was Friday I'm In Love. It's their only upbeat song, and I still kind of like it. Just Like Heaven is pretty good, but I actually prefer Charlotte Martin's cover.

484

2005-02-13T20:23:00.000-05:00

I Love Rock & Roll, Joan Jett

I like this song. I think it gets overplayed on the radio. I have vivid memories of hearing this song when I was in grade school. That is all.

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other...

2005-02-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

Heather and I watched The Breakfast Club tonight. It's been ages since I've seen it. I remember seeing it on TV when I was about 12. There's a lot you don't understand when all the drug and sex references are taken out. Not to mention all the swear words.

I imagine Judd Nelson gets depressed when he watches it. How much would you like it to know that you absolutely peaked as an actor when you were 25?

The other thing I never noticed was in the beginning - you actually see Anthony Michael Hall's burned out locker. Nice touch I've simply passed over in the many times I've seen it.

Another classic from John Hughes. Even Kevin Smith is going back to his roots - why can't Hughes make a movie about the kids of Shermer, IL twenty years down the road?

485

2005-02-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

Graceland, Paul Simon

My mother is a huge Simon & Garfunkel fan, which means that I heard just about everything from them over and over and over when we would take one of those long car trips we always seemed to be on. She wasn't much of a fan of Simon's solo work though, so I didn't hear this until I was in high school.

Specifically, I heard it my senior year when I was on the Academic Decathalon team. If you're not familiar with the Nerdolympics they are a national competition where students take exams in ten different areas. One of the areas is Fine Arts, and one of the things that we had to study was Paul Simon's Graceland album. Paul recorded the album in Africa, with a lot of native musicians. There were some popular songs on the album, namely You Can Call Me Al. There are much better songs on there though - like this one, Diamonds On The Soles of Her Shoes and Homeless. Personally I feel that Homeless is the best song on the album, but it's a close call with Graceland. If you've never heard it, take the time to do so.

486

2005-02-10T20:28:00.000-05:00

How Soon Is Now? The Smiths

I am not a big Morrissey fan. It's nothing like the abject hatred that I feel for some bands, more like a simple distaste for the whole English ponce business. The guy spends years whining as part of The Smiths then he puts on a tank top and all of a sudden he's supposed to be a badass.

The first time I listened to this I realized that I had heard it before, even though I didn't think I had. It's got this really great sound to it, but the lyrics aren't much. It wouldn't make my Top 500.

9/10/94

2005-02-07T21:41:00.000-05:00

For a long, long time when anyone asked what the best concert I had ever been to was, the answer was Nine Inch Nails. My friends and I were huge Nails fans in high school. By the time I was a freshman in college I had collected every official release as well as a bootleg of the infamous Woodstock '94 show. I had been at Purdue for less than a month when I saw an ad in The Exponent for an upcoming Nails show in Muncie. I was really excited about going, but I didn't know if I would be able to. I was getting $100 a month from the university as an honors student stipend, and that was supposed to be my only money. Granted I wasn't paying rent or for food, but $100 a month still didn't go too far.

I mentioned the show to a couple of girls I had met and when they both expressed extreme interest in seeing Trent, that pretty much meant I was going. Our only problem was getting to Muncie. That was quickly solved by one of the girls who knew another girl that was going to Muncie to visit a friend the same night. I know this girl's name was Jennifer, but her last name escapes me. Machuga and I always called her "Honky-Tonk Jen" and that's the only thing left in my mind when I try to remember her. The critical thing about Honky-Tonk was that she had access to her sister's car and she was willing to drive us to Muncie if we would pay for gas. No problem.

We left on the afternoon of Saturday, September 10th for the show. In the car was Honky-Tonk (driving), this guy named Lanny (a total loser frat-boy wannabe who had managed to glom his way onto the trip) - as an aside I'm curious about what happened to Lanny. On second thought, no I'm not. I know what happened to Lanny - he fulfilled his lifelong dream of joining TKE, graduated with a degree in business, married the first girl he ever laid and went to work for her father's soap company. After three years at his father-in-law's place he had an affair with his secretary. When he tried to break it off with her she informed his wife of his infidelities, getting him divorced and fired. Now he lives under an overpass near Chicago and dreams of one day living under an overpass near Los Angeles. Regardless of where he ended up, that day Lanny was riding shotgun, which left Rika, Rachel and myself in the back seat. Rika was a girl that I had kind of been seeing since starting school three weeks prior, and Rachel was her roommate.

We got to Muncie without incident, making one brief stop on the way in the tiny town of Elwood, IN. The only thing I noticed about Elwood was that all the streets were laid out in this crazy grid. The streets running North-South were numbered - 1st Street, 2nd Street so on. Nothing too unusual there, but the streets running East-West were lettered - North A Street, North B Street, South A Street and so on, with Main Street being the divisor between North and South. It makes it really easy to find anything in that town, which would be important later in my life. When I was 17 I just thought it was stupid. (I still think it's mostly stupid)

Once we got to Muncie we hit hurdle number one. We didn't have any place to stay. The girl that Honky-Tonk was staying with wasn't about to let five strangers stay in her dorm room. I knew a bunch of people who were going to Ball State, but didn't have any of their contact info on me. We couldn't dwell on this though, as we had to get to the arena for the show. We left our gear in this girl's room and headed out to face hurdle number two - we didn't have tickets. This proved to be an absolute non-problem - we walked right up to the ticket window and bought tickets. Apparently when the show started the box office released all the will-call tickets that hadn't been picked up, and we managed to snag a few of the last available general admission spots on the floor.

We got inside and the opening act was already on the stage. Marilyn Manson. Sure, everyone knows who he is now, but in 1994 he was no one. My initial reaction to Manson was that he sucked and now, over ten years later, I'm proud to say that I was right. I was absolutely not interested. (My Uncle Sal met Manson once. He was lounging in the lobby of a hotel, in full make-up, when Sal saw him. Sal, being oblivious to pop culture, approached him and asked "What are you, some kind of a fucking clown?" They managed to hit it off, and my uncle left with the impression that Manson was a bright young man.)

In yet another serendipitous moment, I ran into someone I knew almost as soon as we walked into the place. They pointed me in the direction of some of my friends from home and just like that our sleeping arrangements were taken care of - we would meet in a certain spot outside the arena after the show and head over to this guy's house where we could crash. With that handled, I got ready to enjoy the show. Whenever I go to a show, front and center is where I want to be, and this was no exception. I was the only one in our group who felt that way, though, so I was on my own. This started my tradition of seeing shows by myself.

I wasn't interested in Manson, but I knew that I had to get up front during his set before anybody good came on stage and everyone in the stands rushed for the floor. I made it up to about six feet from the front, slightly to the right of the stage. This turned into yet another awesome bit of luck. After Manson on came the Jim Rose Circus Sideshow. They were a bunch of freaks who did crap like lift cinder blocks with their lips and nipples and stuff. The whole time they were on the stage I kind of felt like I was watching a car wreck - I didn't want to see, but I couldn't look away. Someone else who evidently felt this way was Trent Reznor himself. Maybe ten feet in front of me, just on the other side of the barrier, was Trent, watching intently. I don't know how long exactly he stood there, but shortly after the crowd saw him he took off. Seeing him so close only amped up my level of excitement. It seemed like the circus freaks took forever to get the hell off the stage so the real show could finally begin.

If you don't know anything about NIN, one thing is critical to know - Trent Reznor is the only "official" member of the band. He writes and records all the music himself, and then hires musicians to go out with him to play it live. In 1994, and I may be biased here but so what, Trent assembled the strongest live group in NIN history. Robin Finck on guitar, Chris Vrenna on drums, Danny Lohner on bass and James Woolley on keys. That night in September these men were like gods to me. NIN music is powerful stuff - especially when you're 15-25, male, and pissed off easily. It excites the blood and gets your adrenaline going, and seeing it played live with thousands of other sweaty, testosterone-crazed males is an amazing and frightening thing. I was in and out of the mosh pit all night, and that was a scary place to be. After the second time I got clocked in the head I gave it up for good.

Trent was on that night. He really puts on a hell of a show - throwing himself into every song. They played a mix of old and new material, and I knew every word. It seemed like everyone did - the whole place was singing along.

As much as I enjoyed it, most of that night just flows together into one incredible stream of consciousness for me. There are a few things that stand out. One is Trent jumping off the stage while singing "Down In It." He didn't land in the crowd - that would have been crazy. He would have been torn to death by his adoring legions. Instead he landed right behind the crowd barrier. I was maybe three feet from him at that point. My friend Greg had made his way to the floor at some point and was standing directly in front of Trent when he landed. That night I would have given anything to trade places with him.

I also remember the movie that Trent had made to show during Hurt. I don't remember the actual content, I just remember that it fit the song perfectly - slow, somber, depressing and graphic. It was outstanding. I can remember getting dehydrated at some point during the night and having to go out into the hallway to get some water. I also bought a shirt at some point - it was long-sleeved, which I hated, and it had the worst design of any concert tee I've ever seen, but I loved that thing. I kept it for years - I don't know where it eventually ended up.

As happens with all great shows, the fun eventually ended. The show was over, the lights came on and we drifted outside. At the designated spot I met back up with all the Purdue people as well as a bunch of people I had gone to high school with. We hung out for a while, but not too long as it was really cold that night. The four of us from out of town followed somebody back to their house to crash. I can't for the life of me remember whose house it was. I know that one of the people that lived there was a girl named Anna. I'm pretty sure that she didn't invite us to stay there though - she and I had mutually despised each other basically since the moment we met.

Whose place it was doesn't really matter. We got there and hung out for a while, drinking and playing I Never. I wasn't really fond of the game (I hadn't done that much, so I didn't get to drink that often) but as it turned out some of my answers were more important than I realized. After an hour or so our post-show adrenaline wore off and we all got tired. We were led down to the semi-finished basement where we would be sleeping. There was a bed, a recliner and one of those large papa-san chairs. Rika headed for the bed, Lanny hit the recliner, and Rachel and I lunged for the papa-san. We were both set on sleeping in it, and neither of us was about to give in to the other. So we decided to share. That was quite a night.

I remember getting up really early, before any of the others in the basement and heading back upstairs. There were others upstairs awake, one of whom was Glenn Hassenour. I had gone to high school with Glenn, and he was really good people. The first time I got drunk was in Hass' basement. The first time I saw a stripper was on Hass' birthday. He was a good guy and it was really cool to get to hang out with him at 5AM on Sunday morning, sitting around the kitchen table, drinking beer and catching up.

By 7 or so everyone else had gotten up and we got out of that place. We hooked up with Honky-Tonk and headed back to Purdue. I can remember seeing Jen now and then that first semester, and even asking her out once second semester. She laughed me off then and I didn't see much of her after that.

Tuesday or Wednesday of the week following the concert Rika and I decided we wouldn't see each other any more. I hesitate to call it a break-up because we hadn't really been dating. We'd known each other for less than month. She ended up meeting this guy named Jason with whom she had more in common than with me - namely they got stoned and skipped class a lot.

A day or two after Rika and I talked, Rachel came to see me. We decided that we would like to see a lot more of each other. And we did - but that's another story altogether.

Hours Of Fun

2005-02-06T13:15:00.000-05:00

For those of you with children, or who are going to have children, or who think that some day you might want to rent some children let the above picture burn into your brain. This is Lucy, hard at work on one of her Christmas presents - a Smithsonian Mega Dig Lab.

The kit comes with everything a kid needs to occupy themselves for hours. Goggles, tools and two large chunks of a sandy type of plaster into which have been cast plastic dinosaur bones and "gemstones" of dubious value. My kid loves these things (she also had a sandcast pyramid out of which she extracted mummies and sarcophogi and all kinds of stuff), and I bet just about any kid would. Nominally educational, the set lets the child do what he or she is really good at - hit things with a hammer. It also includes a tiny brush that your child can use to brush away small bits and dust just like the pros do. Lucy can bring an amazing amount of focus to her brushwork - an amount of focus which could light a city for a year or clean three dozen eight-year-olds' bedrooms, not that such astounding focus would ever be used for anything so pedestrian. The kits are relatively inexpensive as well - a quick Google shows that Santa paid about $20 for this little box of fun that has currently occupied Lucy for 4 solid hours. She's not even close to finishing either.

I don't recall have anything nearly so cool when I was a kid. The closest thing I can remember is a Radio Shack electronics lab where I got to wire simple circuits to all kinds of junk. It was awesome for the first five minutes - after that it never worked.

487

2005-02-05T22:50:00.000-05:00

Under The Boardwalk, The Drifters

I absolutely love this song. The lyrics evoke this incredible imagery of a hot summer day at the beach and the music will have you singing along long after the song is over. This was another tune that was played in the car by Mom. After I hear this song I get the chorus running through my head for days after in quiet moments. I've even woken up and there it was, playing away. It's a good thing I like it so much, and in my opinion this should be much higher on the list.

488

2005-02-05T22:40:00.000-05:00

Rhiannon, Fleetwood Mac

I went through a phase about three years ago when I really liked the Mac. I still enjoy them, but not as much as I used to. This song is also hit & miss for me - I prefer more of their up tempo stuff like Dreams or Go Your Own Way to this Stevie Nicks-fest. I can recommend their DVD titled The Dance, though. I'm not really partial to concert DVDs, but this one is very well-orchestrated. Plus they bring in a college marching band for the last few songs and that really meshes well with the group. The Mac is one of the few bands that both Heather and I like. We saw them a couple of years ago at Conseco. We were in the upper nosebleeds (and we still payed something like $60 a ticket) but the sound was still excellent. With as old as these guys are getting, it's probably better to have seen them on the monitors from a distance than from right up close. They played a nice but predictable mixture of new music (which no one payed any attention to) and classics (which is why everyone bothered to show up).

What It Means, Benny, Is That I Want To Blow Uncle Roman Out My Ass

2005-02-05T22:04:00.000-05:00

I was eleven going on twelve the first time I saw The Great Outdoors. It was late summer, before school started up again. The quaint little three-screen in Lebanon had a free movie day for kids. I have no idea what was playing on the other two screens, but the theater that my sister and I managed to get into was playing The Great Outdoors. This was no philanthropy on the part of the theater - approximately 14,000 children showed up for the free matinee, which was probably 13,990 more than usual. I'm sure that they more than made up the lost ticket revenue on concessions.

With no exaggeration there were hundreds of kids there. Had a fire marshall made a random check the place would have been shut down hardcore. Kids were sitting in all the aisles, on the floor in the area up in front of the first row of seats and some poor kids were sitting two to a seat. Free movies were really popular in small town Tennessee in the late eighties.

I watched it again just last night and I can't believe how well the movie holds up for me. Many, many times I laughed out loud. John Candy was at his personal best in this movie as Chet Ripley, working class man who just wants to be the world's best dad. It was a character that Candy was good at - see also Uncle Buck or even Home Alone. Chet tries really hard to look cool to his kids and also give them the opportunity to do everything that he had done with his dad when they would visit the same area. I am proud to say that I saw a lot of my own parenting style in Candy's Ripley.

Dan Akroyd is also good here, playing his singular role as a jackass - a role Akroyd perfected over time as well. Also well-featured is Chris Young, who would go on to play the pre-frosh in another classic film. The real mystery to me is the writer of the movie, the man himself, John Hughes. This guy gives the world Mr. Mom, Vacation, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Pretty In Pink, Uncle Buck, The Great Outdoors, Home Alone and a little thing called Ferris Bueller's Day Off and now he's writing fucking Beethoven's Fifth and Home Alone 4. This man's genius shouldn't be wasted on tripe.

Looking at Candy's page on IMDB I see that next month will mark 11 years since his death. I can hardly believe it. It seems strange to actually miss someone that you never met, but I miss Candy a great deal.

There's A Reason It's Called Making Fun

2005-02-02T09:46:00.000-05:00

Here's a great link for the occasional good laugh

He Looks Like...

I have no idea where they get the pictures. I would hope that they don't belong to friends or family members.

489

2005-02-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor

Not bad. Everyone knows this song. I'm absolutely not a fan of disco though, so the music that back's Gloria's incredible voice doesn't do much for me. I actually vastly prefer Cake's remake of this song.

490

2005-02-02T09:43:00.000-05:00

Brown Sugar, The Rolling Stones

Like I've said before, the Stones are hit or miss for me, as is Jagger's voice. Here it's hit. This is one of the few Stones tunes that I've liked for quite some time. In addition to Richard's guitar this one also features some excellent horn work. No big story on this one, just a good song.

491

2005-02-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

You Don't Have To Say You Love Me, Dusty Springfield

I've never been a huge fan of Dusty, but songs like this could change that. Released in May of '66, the production on this alone makes it markedly better than a lot of the pop at that time. She's not the Beatles, but there's more here than with any of the girl groups. Apparently the music is Italian and Dusty commissioned English language lyrics that would fit it. So at least she knew what was good when she heard it. She also had a beautiful voice, and if you listen to this song and the chorus doesn't stick with you then you have no soul.

492

2005-02-02T09:37:00.000-05:00

Running On Empty, Jackson Browne.

This song always reminds me of Forrest Gump. The problem with the Rolling Stone selection process is that towards the end of the tail here, you get some crap that only really appeals to a few people. Jackson Browne represents that crap. It's totally inoffensive, '70s lite-rock. The kind of thing your parents like. And nothing your parents like is ever cool, is it?

493

2005-01-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

Then He Kissed Me, The Crystals.

Not much to this song, and not much to say about it. Sweet, simple lyrics and very nice vocals. That kind of innocent early 60's pop that you can listen too all day long. It does mark Phil Spector's first spot on the countdown though, so that's something. The man's a crazy gun-toting, girlfriend-killing bastard now, but back then he was a producer of the highest echelon. (I originally wrote "of the highest caliber" there, but I simply couldn't leave in such an awful pun like that.)

The Best Show You've Ever Been To...

2005-01-30T08:20:00.000-05:00

...is the one you're at right then. That's the way it always feels when you see the Dark Star Orchestra and, I'm told, the way it felt when you saw their spiritual forefathers The Grateful Dead. DSO do something no other Dead cover band do - they recreate Dead shows in their entirety. And they don't just cover the songs, the band members each "play the part" of someone in the Dead. By play the part I don't mean that they dress up or act like the person they are portraying, rather that they play and sing in a similar style. A creepily similar style according to many.

They choose a different show to recreate each night, unless they are doing one of their rare original setlists. They also don't tell you upfront which show they are doing. For someone who has listened to a lot of Dead it's a lot of fun to try and figure out which show they are doing. I'm not that good yet - I can usually pin down the year but not the month or the actual date.

They opened with Deal, a crowd favorite that got everyone moving early. Also a very rare song for the Dead to open with. I met this really cool women at the show who had followed the Dead in the eighties and early nineties. Deal was such a rare opener she was convinced that DSO were doing an original set rather than a show. I think she left before the end of the second set, though, so she never got to find out.

Following Deal was Cassidy, one of my favorite Dead tunes. I had heard them play it in the acoustic set they had done for New Year's Eve 2002 and loved it then. The electric version was good as well, although short. After Cassidy came a sleepy Jack-A-Roe followed by a bouncy Mexicali Blues. By this point I had this pegged as a late seventies show. If it had been an original set they would have thrown in at least one eighties tune by then - they love their Iko Iko and Man Smart, Woman Smarter. I started to hope for a '78 in the hopes of hearing Terrapin Station. Sadly it was not to be, but what I got was way more than I could have hoped for. After Mexicali the dancing stopped and the swaying began as a painfully slow rendition of Friend of the Devil started up. This confirmed that the show was late seventies for me. That slow rendition of Friend of the Devil is one of my least favorite Dead tunes. It always seems to last three or four verses longer than it should. Back to dancing next with New Minglewood Blues, then back to swaying with It Must Have Been The Roses. This was a real highlight for me - Janey loves this song and likes to sing along to it. It was the first time I had heard it live and it was beautiful. The pattern continued after the sweet and slow Roses with a hot rendition of Lazy Lightning > Supplication. This cast a doubt on my prediction of '78 - I thought that the tune came around in the eighties, '79 at the earliest. Thankfully I was wrong. After Supplication was over it was yet again time to slow it down with High Time. I'll just say this about John Kadlecik, DSO's Jerry Garcia - the man has an incredible voice. And he plays guitar like a madman. High Time is a song that I can take or leave, but John really put his stamp on it and it was awesome listening to him. After High Time came the set closer - The Music Never Stopped. I love this song - it has some great lyrics and DSO play the hell out of it every time. It was a pretty popular set closer though, and sure enough right after the last note Rob stepped to the mike and said, "Hey everybody we're gonna take a short break. We'll be right back."

Set break highlights included talking to a drunk guy about bluegrass and this other guy (a drinker but not as toasted as bluegrass man) about the jam bands he had seen. Also talked to the hippie chick (I never got her name) about the shows she had seen and the music she listened to now. After Jerry died she took several years off from live music. She had only recently gotten back into it and was excited to see the DSO after hearing so much about them. She said that she was surprised at how good they were at recreating the Dead sound.

The second set started about a half hour later and started right with a hot Jack Straw. I saw the Dead themselves play this at Conseco a couple of years ago, and while their rendition was hotter, it wasn't by much. John K really stepped it up at the mike again singing Jerry's verses and made the song. After Straw we had Ship of Fools, a crowd favorite but not one of my favorites. Thankfully it was over soon and we moved into what was the best part of the evening for me - Estimated Prophet followed by Eyes of the World. Prophet is a great song, really evocative lyrics and Rob Eaton performs it remarkably. But I knew that in the late seventies if you heard Prophet the next thing you heard would most likely likely be Eyes. The opening chords kicked in and the crowd just surged. Everybody in the place was dancing like their lives depended on it. One of the things you read about in a lot of reviews of Dead shows is the way that the band's energy feeds the crowd and the crowd's energy feeds the band. That was readily apparent during Eyes - everyone in the place knew every word and sang and danced with all they could muster. It was awesome.

Eyes fed into Drums, which was mercifully short. After Drums came a hot Other One, although they only played the first half before heading off to jamland. They never made it back to finish the song - just headed straight into Stella Blue. Another great, great song. I don't think that there is anything more that can be said about John's singing on the Jerry Ballads, so I'll just leave it at he was every bit as awesome with this song as he had been with the earlier ones. Stella Blue led into the set closer, Around and Around. This one was also a popular closer so most of us saw it coming. They didn't make us wait too long though, before coming back out and playing a stunning Brokedown Palace. Again, everyone in the place was singing along and swaying back and forth.

After the encore Rob stepped back up to the mike and thanked everyone for coming out and then let the cat out of the bag - we had just been treated to a show that was originally played on 5/18/77. If you're a Deadhead you understand how magical those numbers are. If you're not they mean nothing - but suffice it to say that May of '77 is the gold standard for lots of Heads. The Dead played with amazing vigor that month, and they played shows filled with great songs.

DSO had a little extra time so they got everyone moving again with Dancin' In The Streets. If you've only ever heard the Martha and the Vandellas original you have no idea how good this song can be. The Dead used it as a jam vehicle and DSO do the same - the song seems to last forever but you don't care because you're dancing as fast as you can.

One of the funniest moments of the night was the group I was on the edge of. Apparently it was someone's birthday and they all kept buying the birthday boy drinks. Two of the girls were dancing together and at one point they looked at each other and then looked straight at me and yelled "It's a celebration!" Very Dave Chapelle.

A little post show research with the Deadbase shows that the Dead only played Deal as an opener three times out of 2300+ shows, and that Lazy Lighting and Supplication were introduced in June of '76. Shows you what I know. The Compendium review of this show mentions the seesaw tempo of the first set, with Bobby playing nothing but uptempo danceable stuff and Jerry playing all downtempo ballads. Not something that happened all the time, and usually not in such a direct back and forth manner.

As far as the DSO goes, Ferris Buehler said it best - if you get the chance I highly recommend it.

Comics

2005-01-30T07:53:00.000-05:00

I've been a big fan of comics ever since I found my first issues in a dumpster when I was five. I read those books to pieces. Unknown Soldier, Brave and the Bold, Green Lantern. I got my parents to get me some of the adaptations of the Star Wars movies when Marvel put them out in the early 80's.

Brave and the Bold was a Batman book that featured Batman teaming with someone different all the time. Not necessarily every issue, sometimes the guest would stick around for a couple of issues, but most of the time it was new people. The issue I found in the dumpster was part 1 of 2 featuring a second-tier character called Rose & Thorn. And the main story was okay, but I really dug the backup - a little 8 or 10 page story about a super-spy character named Nemesis. It was also part one of two and I always wondered what happened to Nemesis in the explosion that ended part one. Thanks to Mile High I finally found out last year. It was really cool to read the end of that story 22 years after I had read the beginning. (Nemesis lived, in case you were wondering, and managed to take out the bad guys)

This morning due to the heartburn I had time to catch up on some of my comics reading. I read the first issue of Mark Waid's new take on the time honored concept of the Legion of Super-Heroes. It was very good - Waid has taken the team all the way back to the original concept of the series and brought it forward with updated storylines. This is a wonderful change after years of the original characters getting older and the stories getting darker. Those were good books too, but there is something about the group being teens again that really re-opens lots of old closed doors. Waid has added in a lot of politics and his own remarkable take on the 31st century. Definitely take a look.

Also read through all of Demo. This is probably the best comic series that you've never heard of. Brian Wood and Becky Cloonan wrote and drew this masterpiece, and it is a masterpiece. 12 issues, twelve different self-contained stories. It is a real testament to the work that every single issue features characters that I want to know more about. It's very frustrating to know that this is the only time I get to read about them. One of the stronger stories is about a young soldier who can't miss whatever he shoots at, but who can't bring himself to kill a human. Another features a young girl who seemingly knows everything about a yuppie - he has no friends and no way to get any and she sets out to help him. Every issue is at worst great and most are truly exceptional. Highest possible recommendation.

Read the latest issue of Y: The Last Man. If you don't know about this you should. Here's the premise - there's a plague that kills every male human and primate on the planet except this guy named Yorick and his pet monkey. This series is at times funny, at times sad and touching. It is certainly fantasy, but it's written as a semi-realistic exercise in what the world would look like without any men. The latest issue answers a long-standing question and sees the reunion of Yorick and his sister. Very good stuff, and the only complaint is that it only comes out once a month.

Lastly I read the two most recent issues of Planetary. Admittedly, I used to drink the Warren Ellis Kool-Aid and buy anything he wrote - I found out that some of it was crap and some not worth your time, but Planetary is neither of those things. At it's most basic it's the story of a semi-immortal man trying to kill four other semi-immortal beings. It would be incredibly hard to describe, but it's extremely well written and John Cassady's art is a beauty to behold. The only complaint with Planetary is that it comes out whenever the hell Warren gets around to writing it and Cassady gets around to drawing it. I think that if this was on a more regular schedule it would have a much larger following - but that 19 month break between issues 16 and 17 got rid of a lot of readers.

Busy Days

2005-01-30T07:38:00.000-05:00

Right now is really the first time I've had to sit and write in a few days. This constant rush of Real Life began on Tuesday morning. Class at 7:30, followed by work followed by class. Got home and went to bed shortly thereafter to get up and go to work at 8. Working extra hours means working extra hours, so I got home around 6:45. Had a little bit of down time to spend with the fam, then it was back to the hustle Thursday, with class followed by work followed by the DSO show down in Indy. Admittedly that wasn't work, but after being on my feet all day and then dancing all night, I slept like a rock. Until Jane woke me up at 8:30. Lucy's the good one - already off to school having fed herself and her sister quietly. Jane is the one who (rightly) needs constant attention. The difficulties of being four, I guess.

Anyway, I dropped Jane off and went to work, then picked Jane up and went to Michael's place to set some stuff up on his computer. Then I managed a bit of sleep before Jane woke up sick and then before you know it I had to get up to go to work. Another ten hour day yesterday, and then back home. I realize that I didn't have any commitments last night, but I'm so close to finishing San Andreas it has become an unhealthy obsession.

So I played that for a while and then just to cap the last four days I woke up with the worst heartburn I've had in a long time. At 4:30 AM. And thanks to the recent development where I can't get back to sleep once I wake up, no matter what time it is or when I went to bed, I've been awake for three hours now.

494

2005-01-26T22:43:00.000-05:00

Desperado, The Eagles.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

I fucking hate The Eagles. Don Henley and Joe Walsh are two of the biggest no-talent gasbags on the planet. "Save the trees for Don Henley!" Give me a break. And that Hell Freezes Over tour from a few years ago. Yeah. Hell froze over and Joe Walsh bounced a check. Time to tour!

I do have a certain fondness for this song, however, as I used to hang out at this guy's house where they played a lot of music; Desperado was one of the songs they did. I like remembering those times way more than I like the image of fake-ass Don Henley closing his eyes and crooning sweetly into a microphone.

495

2005-01-26T22:34:00.000-05:00

Shop Around, Smokey Robinson And The Miracles

While my parents didn't listen to a lot of music around the house, long car trips were another matter. My Mom has a large collection of tapes that we used to listen to on any of our interminable car rides. When even those tapes got old we would switch to the local oldies station.

Thanks to that, I can sing along with this song and get most of the words right. It's a fun little song that a lot can be read into. I think it's got a great message for a world where the divorce rate keeps climbing - you better keep your freedom for as long as you can, date as much as possible and find someone you really love.

496

2005-01-26T22:29:00.000-05:00

Miss You, by The Rolling Stones

Not much to say on this one. The Rolling Stones seem to run hot and cold with me, some songs I really like, some I don't. This one doesn't do much for me. For a very long time I had myself convinced that I simply didn't like the Stones, so I didn't listen to their music - a very self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more I hear, the more I like. My respect continually grows for Keith Richards' guitar work, and the rest of the guys aren't exactly slouches either. Jagger's voice is more of an X factor - when he's on he can make a good song great and when he's off he can make a great song good. Miss You is more of the latter.

Hey Dad, let's take a picture!

2005-01-24T09:54:00.000-05:00

Here's how my morning with Jane, the lovely child who has been begging for muffins all weekend went:

Me: Morning, Bear. I made you muffins!

Jane: But last night mommy said I could have a pancake.

Me: You've been asking for muffins all weekend. I got up early to make them.

Jane: Mommy said I could have a pancake.

Me: Okay, pancakes it is.

Feline Etymology

2005-01-24T09:05:00.000-05:00

We have two cats, Simon and Rocket. Now, Simon came from the a rescue group and he came pre-named. Rocket came from a friend of Heather's, though, and my one condition for us getting a second cat was that I get to name him.

Shortly before was got the cat, I had seen a movie called City of God. The movie is absolutely stunning. It's the story of boys growing up in the Rio De Janeiro slum City of God. The narrator of the film is a guy named Rocket, and that's where the cat's name came from. The movie is very powerful, and it becomes even moreso when you find out that this is based on a true story.

Highly, highly recommended.

Only In Dreams

2005-01-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

Had a strange dream this morning. Dreamt of an old friend, really more of an acquaintance. Someone I haven't seen since high school. The strange thing is that we were never really close, and I probably haven't even thought of this person since graduation. Yet in the dream we were talking and laughing like we had been best friends for years. Why my subconcious threw us together I'll never know.

The power of my dreams on me is remarkable. I can have a short dream, something totally minor and it can affect my mood all day. Unfortunately I don't remember my dreams that often, but I really enjoy it when I do.

497

2005-01-23T20:29:00.000-05:00

Buddy Holly, by Weezer.

One of the greatest videos of all time. I wasn't really a huge fan of Weezer when the blue album came out. I thought they were cartoony and their lyrics were stupid. It took until last year when the album was re-released in a deluxe edition before I actually listened to the whole thing.

I was amazed to find that it was really, really good. Buddy Holly and Undone are really the only "cartoony" type songs on the album and it's filled with great songs otherwise. The bonus disc was also excellent with Suzanne, from the Mallrats soundtrack and an early version of Undone that really opened the song up for me and made me realize that it's incredibly creepy.

498

2005-01-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

One of the things I've really been looking forward to with the RS 500 is hearing songs that are supposedly great that I've never heard, or at least that I don't remember hearing. 498 is the first one on the list that I've never heard before - Rainy Night In Georgia by Brooke Benton. The song is very good, and Benton's voice is just incredible. It's a very sad song, although I suppose if you took it far enough you could see it as a happy song, maybe the singer going back to the one he loves, but I don't think that's it. I think it's much more about the man who's lost his love and really has no hope of getting her back. Beautiful.

Farscapin'

2005-01-20T22:18:00.000-05:00

One show I really gained respect for over time was Farscape. I didn't watch it in it's original broadcast, and I really resisted it for a long time. I actually used to make fun of Fraker because he was such a huge fan - I mean, come on Muppets In Space? I didn't think it could possibly be worth anything. After months of my torture, Fraker finally bitch slapped me and told me that if I made fun of Farscape one more time without having seen it he was actually going to kill me. So he loaned me the DVDs and I watched the whole series over the course of about six months.

And damn, it is good.

It's not the best sci-fi series I've ever seen, that title still goes to Babylon 5, but Farscape is close. Certainly better than any flavor of Star Trek has ever managed. It is very different from really any sci-fi series that has come before in that it is so much about the characters than the situations. Trek is basically all about situations - "Oh my god, the hyperwhosis is out of phase with the grandowhosis and we've got twenty minutes to fix it or this solar system will implode!"

That's Trek. B5 is far more plot driven, being the novel written for the screen that it is. It suffers from having so many characters, though, that you don't get screen time with all of them all the time. It's also a novel written on an incredibly epic scale.

Farscape is, at it's core, about a man and woman who fall in love. And the brilliant thing about it is that their relationship is a very human relationship, not something that you normally see on TV of any kind, much less SF.

Farscape turned into a great series. Sure, it had it's bad moments but they are far outweighed by it's great moments. The movie that capped the series, The Peacekeeper Wars, was incredible. It tied up basically everything from the series and created new threads that could be taken up should the series be continued somewhere down the line. I would certainly vote for that. The best thing that ever happened to Trek was getting 20 years off TV. I remember just how good Next Gen was when it first debuted, especially compared to the original series.

A "Next Gen" version of Farscape would be good, but certainly it wouldn't be necessary to go 200 years as Trek did. Maybe pick things up ten years down the road with Aeryn and John and the kid. Have them in some new area of the universe, with some new threat. It would not be easy, not at all. The series had some of the best characters of any series - Scorpius, Crais, Chiana. I would bet that the producers would come up with something good.